Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
wurmwichtel schrieb:
By the way, regarding children having to wait
Have you ever thought about the questions a child might be asked when their biological mother or father stands in front of a teenage acquaintance for the first time?
"...hey... is that your grandpa and is that your grandma over there?"
"No!"
"..oh, really?!? They look really old!"
What really shows you’re not getting any younger is most evident through the kids and the parents’ nerves. Well, it’s always a question of how old you look and, above all, how old you feel.
Josephine248913 Mar 2019 22:42We built without children but planned potential children's rooms. However, there are alternative ideas for every room as well.
We are not stressed and are happy with our home. The rooms are not wasted space but will find their purpose over the coming years.
For us, it was the most suitable building concept.
We are not stressed and are happy with our home. The rooms are not wasted space but will find their purpose over the coming years.
For us, it was the most suitable building concept.
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
Well, cheers and stay strong. Having children later in life is getting more and more challenging. I’m 39 and glad that both of mine are past the most difficult stages. The youngest is turning 4.With all due respect, you "foreigners" just have a different perspective, because I had exactly the same discussion with my Bosnian ex-colleague... She couldn’t understand how a woman could still have a child at 30, saying that’s way too late. Well, if I have no problem living with five people in a three-room social apartment in Kassel-Waldau with a housing voucher and raising my children among drab high-rise buildings, then of course I can finish family planning by my mid-twenties.
But if you want to own your own home, you tend to postpone having children given today’s real estate prices. This is almost always recommended here in the home financing forum, especially to those who are not yet earning a net income of $3,000 and want to build a house and have children at the same time.
I also think it’s a matter of lifestyle. Both of us take care of ourselves and are healthy and fit. I can keep up with 20-year-olds playing soccer without any problems. Others our age are already quite “worn down.” For them, having toddlers would be much harder to manage.
H
HilfeHilfe14 Mar 2019 06:45Jean-Marc schrieb:
With all due respect, you "foreigners" just have a different perspective, because I had the exact same discussion with my Bosnian ex-colleague... She couldn’t understand how a woman could still have a child at 30 years old, that would be way too late. Well, if I have no problem living with five people in a three-room subsidized apartment in Kassel-Waldau on a housing voucher and letting my kids grow up among gray high-rises, then of course I can finish family planning by my mid-twenties.
But if you want your own four walls, you’d rather push back having children given today’s prices on the real estate market. That’s what almost everyone gets advised here in the home financing forum if you earn less than 3,000 net at the end of your twenties and want to build a house and have children at the same time.
I think it’s also a matter of personality type. We both take care of ourselves and are healthy and fit. I can still keep up with 20-year-olds in soccer without any problem. Others our age are pretty much “worn out.” For them, having small children would be the last straw.We "foreigners" won’t have eight kids anymore at 20 years old either; we’ve "adapted to German ways" in that regard. Two kids at or after 30.
Yes, owning a home or social stability for children is a valid point. But at what cost? I just can’t imagine becoming a father or mother again at 40, 42, or even 45 just for the sake of owning property.
That’s totally unhealthy for both yourself and the children. You can’t complain if they develop any intolerances or if the dad gets called “grandpa.”
I have a colleague here who made a strong career earlier, then realized at 42 that something was missing. Before, she was always giving tough advice to us younger colleagues about raising children, for example behavior in restaurants.
And now?
The child is here, her partner, I think 47, doesn’t want to cut back on his hobbies, and she is exhausted every day. She quit her full-time job, and she’s not getting nice projects anymore. Definitely made all the right choices.
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