Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I'm sorry to hear that! But yes, I think you might be looking at things a bit too negatively.
In the end, a child—God forbid—can also die during birth or at a young age. Or you plan for two children's rooms, and in the second pregnancy, you end up having twins (wasn't there a recent discussion here about remodeling options in such a case?).
Ultimately, you can never know how life will unfold (unless, of course, you're planning with certainty for childlessness at age 50 and/or due to confirmed infertility). And what should you make of this information (which you might already have yourself—we’ve discussed several times what to do with two children's rooms if it doesn’t work out)? Should you then not build? Should you plan without any children’s rooms? Get both partners checked by a gynecologist/urologist beforehand?
So, what kind of response are you hoping for, or what are you trying to achieve with this?
In the end, a child—God forbid—can also die during birth or at a young age. Or you plan for two children's rooms, and in the second pregnancy, you end up having twins (wasn't there a recent discussion here about remodeling options in such a case?).
Ultimately, you can never know how life will unfold (unless, of course, you're planning with certainty for childlessness at age 50 and/or due to confirmed infertility). And what should you make of this information (which you might already have yourself—we’ve discussed several times what to do with two children's rooms if it doesn’t work out)? Should you then not build? Should you plan without any children’s rooms? Get both partners checked by a gynecologist/urologist beforehand?
So, what kind of response are you hoping for, or what are you trying to achieve with this?
Unfortunately, I’m the factual type and based on my own experiences, I won’t go further into ICSI and related topics.
But yes, I think many couples who are building a new house are not aware that the children's rooms might remain empty. In my estimation, the majority are building for the first time.
Example 1: 2 children’s rooms planned – more than one will likely not be used.
Example 2: Two couples around our age, each with 2 children’s rooms planned; whether any children will arrive is questionable.
Example 3: He doesn’t want children / she does (smoker & older) – so nothing will come of it.
Example 4: Us, 2 children, 3 children’s rooms planned – most likely one will end up as a playroom.
But yes, I think many couples who are building a new house are not aware that the children's rooms might remain empty. In my estimation, the majority are building for the first time.
Example 1: 2 children’s rooms planned – more than one will likely not be used.
Example 2: Two couples around our age, each with 2 children’s rooms planned; whether any children will arrive is questionable.
Example 3: He doesn’t want children / she does (smoker & older) – so nothing will come of it.
Example 4: Us, 2 children, 3 children’s rooms planned – most likely one will end up as a playroom.
Maria16 schrieb:
So, what kind of response are you hoping for, or what do you want to achieve with this? I’m not entirely sure. I thought I’d listen to different opinions on the topic here. You’ve obviously already given some thought to the “what if” scenarios...
For example, some home builders here are cutting it very close financially, and if there’s no money left for fertility treatments after that, I would find that quite unfortunate.
To be honest, if the desire to have children is so strong and the money is not enough, there is always some way to find a solution. From asking for help from family to selling the house. I am a pessimist myself, but some negative issues can or should only be dealt with when they become urgent. Everything else just drives you crazy.
Zaba12 schrieb:
Unfortunately, I am more of a factual type and won’t go into ICSI and related topics due to personal experience.
But yes, I think many couples who are building a new home are not aware that the kids’ rooms might remain empty. In my estimation, the majority are building for the first time.
Example 1: 2 children’s rooms planned – more than one child will probably not happen.
Example 2: Two couples around our age, both planning 2 children’s rooms, whether children will actually come is uncertain.
Example 3: He doesn’t want to / she wants to (smoker & older) – so it probably won’t happen.
Example 4: Us, 2 children, 3 children’s rooms planned – most likely one will become a toy room.Toy room sounds interesting... hopefully lockable.
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