Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Cheerful discussion here
@Jean-Marc that’s exactly what I meant a few pages ago by a bit of arrogance.
First secure your financial situation, build a house on undeveloped land, then take a nice world trip—you deserve it—and only then can the children come.
It might work, but it doesn’t have to.
What many here probably overlook is that having children doesn’t require a house, a stable job, or large amounts of money.
Experience proves this, right? Have you never seen tenants or even job seekers with children?
Now of course the argument comes up: yes, but then the children will never have it good.
That may be true in some cases, but in principle raising children primarily requires time, patience, intelligence, and of course a lot of love.
It may sound romantic, but that’s how it is in the end. Sure, there are things the child won’t have. Then they get a 15-year-old Puky bike instead of a new, lightweight model. Clothes will also sometimes be secondhand.
All of this might not make raising children easier, but it certainly doesn’t make it impossible.
The only truly important question when wanting children should be whether both parents really want them and are ready to adjust their lives accordingly, at least for a few years. If that question can be answered with yes, all other things can be managed.
@Jean-Marc that’s exactly what I meant a few pages ago by a bit of arrogance.
First secure your financial situation, build a house on undeveloped land, then take a nice world trip—you deserve it—and only then can the children come.
It might work, but it doesn’t have to.
What many here probably overlook is that having children doesn’t require a house, a stable job, or large amounts of money.
Experience proves this, right? Have you never seen tenants or even job seekers with children?
Now of course the argument comes up: yes, but then the children will never have it good.
That may be true in some cases, but in principle raising children primarily requires time, patience, intelligence, and of course a lot of love.
It may sound romantic, but that’s how it is in the end. Sure, there are things the child won’t have. Then they get a 15-year-old Puky bike instead of a new, lightweight model. Clothes will also sometimes be secondhand.
All of this might not make raising children easier, but it certainly doesn’t make it impossible.
The only truly important question when wanting children should be whether both parents really want them and are ready to adjust their lives accordingly, at least for a few years. If that question can be answered with yes, all other things can be managed.
To return to the topic of house planning with or without children:
We bought our house as a childless couple with the intention of having children, from another childless couple. The layout partly reflects the needs of a childless couple who both work a lot.
Now we have children and are managing fine. You shouldn’t take it too seriously; otherwise, you might drive yourself crazy and won’t be able to find any solution among all the supposed requirements...
We bought our house as a childless couple with the intention of having children, from another childless couple. The layout partly reflects the needs of a childless couple who both work a lot.
Now we have children and are managing fine. You shouldn’t take it too seriously; otherwise, you might drive yourself crazy and won’t be able to find any solution among all the supposed requirements...
H
HilfeHilfe15 Mar 2019 11:40aero2016 schrieb:
Or if the child later turns out to be a complete failure in terms of social skills like HilfeHilfe!
Rarely have I read something so disrespectful towards people.Listen! I can also agree that having your first children after 40 is risky!!!!
We have two healthy children; our second child was born when I was 35, and we did a screening. After that, we had four months of horror because we didn’t know what was going on (trisomy 21 issue). The doctor was just a doctor and not a “don’t worry, everything will be fine” type. He explained the risks very plainly and factually.
In the end, everything turned out well.
So once again, for all the do-gooders: those who think that nature intended people to have their first children after 40 just because of our so-called progress should also consider and accept the risks involved.
S
Steffen8015 Mar 2019 11:46Nature did not plan for the first child to be born at 40 nor for the use of pills. Also, monthly bleeding is not naturally intended to last a lifetime. The natural sequence would be: fertile -> child -> breastfeeding -> child -> breastfeeding -> child -> breastfeeding -> child, and so on, up until menopause.
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
Listen! I can agree with everyone who says having your first children after 40 is risky!!!!
We have 2 healthy kids; our second was born when I was 35, and we did a screening. After that, we had four months of horror because we didn’t know what was going on (topic was Down syndrome). The doctor was just a doctor—no sugarcoating or “don’t worry, everything will be fine” nonsense. He explained the risks very frankly and factually.
In the end, everything turned out well.
So once again, for everyone who thinks nature intended people to have their first children after 40 because of our so-called amazing progress: please be aware of the risks and accept them.This is really going quite off-topic now:
If you’re already throwing around the buzzword “do-gooders” and demanding that older mothers accept the risks, why did you do the screening? And why was it so stressful afterward? The whole point of screening is to know beforehand, right? Somehow, it doesn’t all quite add up...
Let’s all take a deep breath and calm down. Then we can continue the discussion.
It's interesting how this thread repeatedly develops in the same direction, even when related threads are considered.
For example, my wife is not at all concerned with how to sensibly plan the reorganization of an empty room when filling the third child's bedroom.
Some apparently also missed that the original poster did not want to discuss how two children's bedrooms could be converted into a sewing room and a TV room.
Be that as it may...
For example, my wife is not at all concerned with how to sensibly plan the reorganization of an empty room when filling the third child's bedroom.
Some apparently also missed that the original poster did not want to discuss how two children's bedrooms could be converted into a sewing room and a TV room.
Be that as it may...