Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
H
hampshire13 Mar 2019 17:09Our motto has always been: We feed whatever comes. Two showed up.
We have and are building for two children* but at the moment I don’t want to rule out the possibility of a third. In that case, they either won’t have their own room, or we’ll have to give up our home office and improvise something with the desks. We’ll figure it out.
In my opinion, the issue with empty children’s rooms isn’t so much that you can’t use them, but rather that you can’t bring yourself to actually do it. So it’s not a hobby room, but rather an unused children’s room that reminds you every day of the painful absence of the child who’s not there. Once you finally come to terms with the missing child, the room can no longer bother you (and can at last become a proper train room instead of a makeshift storage space – after all, there’s still a chance it might work out).
*For a long time, it didn’t look like we could have any.
In my opinion, the issue with empty children’s rooms isn’t so much that you can’t use them, but rather that you can’t bring yourself to actually do it. So it’s not a hobby room, but rather an unused children’s room that reminds you every day of the painful absence of the child who’s not there. Once you finally come to terms with the missing child, the room can no longer bother you (and can at last become a proper train room instead of a makeshift storage space – after all, there’s still a chance it might work out).
*For a long time, it didn’t look like we could have any.
We are both 35 years old and currently choose to be child-free—mainly because our house is not yet completed (scheduled for September). Building a house with a child in tow was simply not an option for us. On one hand, we want to have two incomes available during the initial financing phase, and on the other, building the house will demand everything from both of us—every free hand and minute will be needed, and a child would (for now) be an obstacle.
We accept the risk that starting a family at 36 or 37 years old might require "more attempts" compared to having children at 26 or 27. As a human resources officer, I know quite a few colleagues who still became mothers easily and had healthy children even at 41 or 42 years old. The same goes for my sister-in-law. That at least gives us hope.
If, despite all that modern medicine can offer, it doesn’t work out for us, we would probably just have to accept it. But I can still worry enough about that later—not before.
We accept the risk that starting a family at 36 or 37 years old might require "more attempts" compared to having children at 26 or 27. As a human resources officer, I know quite a few colleagues who still became mothers easily and had healthy children even at 41 or 42 years old. The same goes for my sister-in-law. That at least gives us hope.
If, despite all that modern medicine can offer, it doesn’t work out for us, we would probably just have to accept it. But I can still worry enough about that later—not before.
I can only advise everyone to build a house before having children.
I am 31 years old and have two daughters,
3 years and
8 months old.
We are moving in next month.
It was already a challenge to plan everything with the little kids.
My wife was close to burnout at times.
But everything is always individual.
We built a turnkey house, and my wife is on parental leave.
Still, it was very demanding.
A friend is now starting to build next to me.
He does 80% on his own despite a full-time job and a 1-year-old daughter. I’m curious to see how it goes.
I am 31 years old and have two daughters,
3 years and
8 months old.
We are moving in next month.
It was already a challenge to plan everything with the little kids.
My wife was close to burnout at times.
But everything is always individual.
We built a turnkey house, and my wife is on parental leave.
Still, it was very demanding.
A friend is now starting to build next to me.
He does 80% on his own despite a full-time job and a 1-year-old daughter. I’m curious to see how it goes.
Building with a general contractor is definitely possible with a child.
Mine was just 2 years old when we moved in.
I still managed to visit the construction site at least twice a day. In the mornings before work and in the evenings after the little one was asleep.
Doing your own work is challenging.
Mine was just 2 years old when we moved in.
I still managed to visit the construction site at least twice a day. In the mornings before work and in the evenings after the little one was asleep.
Doing your own work is challenging.
H
HilfeHilfe13 Mar 2019 20:51Jean-Marc schrieb:
We are both 35 years old and have consciously decided not to have children yet—mainly because our house is still not finished (completion scheduled for September). For us, building a house with a child in tow was out of the question. On one hand, we want to have two incomes available during the initial financing phase, and on the other hand, building the house will demand everything from both of us. Every free hand and minute will be needed, and a child would (at this stage) just get in the way.
We accept the risk that starting a family at 36 or 37 might require "more attempts" than at 26 or 27. As a human resources officer, I know quite a few colleagues who have had healthy children even at 41 or 42 years old. The same goes for my sister-in-law. That gives us some hope.
If, despite all that modern medicine has to offer, it doesn’t work out for us, we will have to accept that. But I can worry about that enough later—not before. Well, good luck and stay strong. It’s getting harder and harder to have children at a later age. I’m 39 and glad both my kids are past the most challenging years. The youngest will be 4 soon.
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