Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
S
Steffen8014 Mar 2019 07:29I think having children at 40 is very late, and even too late. I can understand both people who have children at a young age, before establishing a career, and those who have children in their early thirties. Both have advantages and disadvantages. In our case, nature decided that we would have children relatively late; otherwise, it would have been in our mid-20s, which for me would have been the perfect age. The nerves and one’s own health are simply different then compared to the mid to late 30s. I will be 38 with our third child, and that is my personal limit. However, certain things in life should already be in place before the first child. Without a stable income and a steady professional life, it’s better to avoid having children altogether.
When we started building, I was 25, and by the time we moved in, I was 26... our oldest was 6 years old (my wife’s son from a previous relationship), and the youngest was 3 months old. The first parental leave was used solely for the construction.
We planned and built two children’s bedrooms... the youngest joined the family in 2017. I’m still considering the best way to handle this and whether a renovation might be worthwhile...
For me, family planning was complete at 27 years old. The children and the move closer to my workplace, away from my “hometown” and about 50 km (30 miles) away, completely changed my life. Almost all of my friends are still childless, some still live with their parents... and go out almost every weekend partying until the early morning.
But now the kids are slowly reaching an age where my wife and I can go out again. Just last Saturday, we were “child-free” for the first time (as far as I can remember)… we went shopping, had dinner, and then went to a cocktail bar. At some point, I looked at my watch feeling very sleepy... it was shortly before 10:00 p.m.
We planned and built two children’s bedrooms... the youngest joined the family in 2017. I’m still considering the best way to handle this and whether a renovation might be worthwhile...
For me, family planning was complete at 27 years old. The children and the move closer to my workplace, away from my “hometown” and about 50 km (30 miles) away, completely changed my life. Almost all of my friends are still childless, some still live with their parents... and go out almost every weekend partying until the early morning.
But now the kids are slowly reaching an age where my wife and I can go out again. Just last Saturday, we were “child-free” for the first time (as far as I can remember)… we went shopping, had dinner, and then went to a cocktail bar. At some point, I looked at my watch feeling very sleepy... it was shortly before 10:00 p.m.
H
HilfeHilfe14 Mar 2019 08:58Well, many people still rely on help from grandma and grandpa. If I were 45 years old, would it then be great-grandma and great-grandpa?
It has to fit.
Being a mother in my mid-20s would have been a disaster for me. Now, with a 4 in front of my age, I can definitely imagine having a second child. I am much calmer and more balanced than before, sleepless nights don’t bother me. Work, home, child—it all works. I don’t feel overwhelmed or overburdened. It is what it is, things will happen as they will.
However, my child is still growing up somewhat in the style of the 80s, without helicopter parenting.
Being a mother in my mid-20s would have been a disaster for me. Now, with a 4 in front of my age, I can definitely imagine having a second child. I am much calmer and more balanced than before, sleepless nights don’t bother me. Work, home, child—it all works. I don’t feel overwhelmed or overburdened. It is what it is, things will happen as they will.
However, my child is still growing up somewhat in the style of the 80s, without helicopter parenting.
I met my husband when I was 26.
Our child was born when I was 32.
The only downside for children when their mother, for example, is 45 is that she will be 65 by the time the child starts university, and the father is often even older – so the child might already have to deal with care issues, for instance….
Our child was born when I was 32.
The only downside for children when their mother, for example, is 45 is that she will be 65 by the time the child starts university, and the father is often even older – so the child might already have to deal with care issues, for instance….
Winniefred14 Mar 2019 11:06We bought and renovated the house with two small children. It was definitely challenging, but ultimately manageable. The kids were 1 and 3 years old when we bought the house, and 2 and 4 when we moved in. Usually, only one of us could be at the construction site while the other looked after the children. Sometimes the grandparents helped out as well. The upside is that the children now have the garden while they’re still little. For both the kids and the dog, I find it simply wonderful to just be able to open the door and let them outside. We don’t regret it at all, even though without children we would have had more time and money to spend on this project. On the other hand, without the children, we probably wouldn’t have bought a house at all.