Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
H
hampshire12 Mar 2019 12:04First of all, I wish you success with the adoption, Nicola.
The question of the house size is obviously related to whether you want children. Either you don’t have any, or you have many – friends of ours surprisingly had twins in the end.
Here in Germany, we often think you build a house only once and then stay there. But that’s not a rule, since you can sell the house you built later and buy another that fits your new situation. So if you start with a few extra rooms, it’s no problem to downsize later.
We have two children (born in 1999 and 2001) and in 2001 bought our townhouse near Düsseldorf. Infrastructure mattered. The boys are now grown up, and we are moving to the countryside to build a new house. The requirements have changed and will be reflected in the architectural design accordingly. The townhouse cost just over 500,000 DM. According to recent research, you can now get around 400,000 € for that – which even surprises us.
In England, for example, they talk about the “housing ladder,” where using and selling properties according to your needs is quite normal.
In this light, we are much more flexible than we think. Building a little too big can be adjusted later; you simply do it again and do it differently.
The question of the house size is obviously related to whether you want children. Either you don’t have any, or you have many – friends of ours surprisingly had twins in the end.
Here in Germany, we often think you build a house only once and then stay there. But that’s not a rule, since you can sell the house you built later and buy another that fits your new situation. So if you start with a few extra rooms, it’s no problem to downsize later.
We have two children (born in 1999 and 2001) and in 2001 bought our townhouse near Düsseldorf. Infrastructure mattered. The boys are now grown up, and we are moving to the countryside to build a new house. The requirements have changed and will be reflected in the architectural design accordingly. The townhouse cost just over 500,000 DM. According to recent research, you can now get around 400,000 € for that – which even surprises us.
In England, for example, they talk about the “housing ladder,” where using and selling properties according to your needs is quite normal.
In this light, we are much more flexible than we think. Building a little too big can be adjusted later; you simply do it again and do it differently.
Yes, family planning and the possibility of failure are somehow as taboo as the fact that people die—some earlier, others later.
Of course, I also know couples who bought a house only to find out that it wasn’t going to work out. One of these couples, despite their advanced age, eventually managed to have a child using all the medical tricks available. The result—both were quite unhappy and had no time or desire for the child. In reality, they had become too accustomed to the DINK lifestyle (dual income, no kids).
It’s not just the situation where conception doesn’t happen that completely surprises couples. The fact that children don’t come on demand, like ordering something, also comes as a shock to many. For example, people plan for the second child to arrive exactly around Easter, when a long vacation has just ended and they have settled into a new job. Before that, it would be inconvenient, so they use contraception. Then the child comes unexpectedly years later, and the firstborn is already starting school…
It’s somehow a mix of arrogance and simply a lack of information. The frequency of miscarriages also seems to be something many only become aware of when it happens to them.
So I think it’s good that these topics are discussed openly here.
Of course, I also know couples who bought a house only to find out that it wasn’t going to work out. One of these couples, despite their advanced age, eventually managed to have a child using all the medical tricks available. The result—both were quite unhappy and had no time or desire for the child. In reality, they had become too accustomed to the DINK lifestyle (dual income, no kids).
It’s not just the situation where conception doesn’t happen that completely surprises couples. The fact that children don’t come on demand, like ordering something, also comes as a shock to many. For example, people plan for the second child to arrive exactly around Easter, when a long vacation has just ended and they have settled into a new job. Before that, it would be inconvenient, so they use contraception. Then the child comes unexpectedly years later, and the firstborn is already starting school…
It’s somehow a mix of arrogance and simply a lack of information. The frequency of miscarriages also seems to be something many only become aware of when it happens to them.
So I think it’s good that these topics are discussed openly here.
Y
yellow_ms12 Mar 2019 13:37Well, some people expect the second child to take just as long as the first. Then you just give your partner a strange look, and now we’re sitting here counting down the last days, and the house isn’t finished yet. Still, we’re really looking forward to spending a few close months as a family of four. We can completely understand what it’s like when things don’t go according to plan, as the beginning was quite bumpy for us too.
We planned for the second nursery, but number two arrived somehow faster than the house got finished. Life is unpredictable, and the more you try to plan, the more likely it is to go wrong. But existing rooms can always be used differently; spaces that don’t exist cannot.
That’s why we still have an extra room reserved, originally intended just as a hobby room.
We planned for the second nursery, but number two arrived somehow faster than the house got finished. Life is unpredictable, and the more you try to plan, the more likely it is to go wrong. But existing rooms can always be used differently; spaces that don’t exist cannot.
That’s why we still have an extra room reserved, originally intended just as a hobby room.
H
HilfeHilfe13 Mar 2019 16:10Built the house with one child, planned for two. Now we are four. When my wife started doing sports, I suddenly panicked, thinking a third child was on the way. We wouldn’t have space for that! Fortunately, the changes were only due to her increased physical activity.
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