Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
If a child with Down syndrome arrives, then you shouldn't complain.
But I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!!Or if the child later turns out to be a complete failure in terms of social skills, like HilfeHilfe!Rarely have I read something so degrading to human dignity.
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
Now don’t play the victim. Yes, there are such cases, but you wrote that first you earn money from your job, then you build overpriced, and then at some point have children after 40.
The “know-it-alls” here don’t say that having children after 40 is bad per se. Yes, there are partners or health reasons. But I won’t accept it just because of career and property. And if a child with Down syndrome is born then, you can’t complain.
But I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!!!Then better read carefully again what I actually wrote.
For us personally, a deliberate family planning starting only after 40 is also not an option – we will try to still make use of the government’s child allowance for home builders somehow.
But if it only works out at 40, then that’s just how it is. Honestly, I’m happy for everyone whose life has always gone smoothly and who already had planning certainty at 25, but in return, I expect a certain level of awareness that not everyone is that lucky. Even if it’s only because, due to the job, it simply wasn’t the right time before. If you want children and home ownership nowadays, you can’t neglect the financial aspects.
So, while HilfeHilfe may not exactly be a model of social skills, he is unfortunately (at least partly) correct. It is indeed true that from around the mid-30s, a woman’s chances of becoming pregnant drop sharply, while at the same time, the risk of the child having health issues increases significantly. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter whether someone tries to have children late by choice or due to other circumstances—nature makes no distinction. Whether to accept this situation or try to have a healthy child with the help of modern medicine is a personal decision.
At some point, I realized that you can’t wait to start a family until everything “fits perfectly”; that moment simply never comes. Especially if you have a job where you’re not easily replaceable, there’s rarely an opportunity to take a break (for a child) and have your employer say, “Great, right now is perfect.” It’s more about the environment being right (a suitable partner), and then you just go for it and adjust everything else as it comes. But you first have to come to this realization.
For me, this happened around the age of 30; others might take longer.
I also know someone with three children, all healthy, at ages 41, 43, and 45. That wouldn’t be my choice, but before that, the partnership just wasn’t right. Everyone has to find their own path.
For me, this happened around the age of 30; others might take longer.
I also know someone with three children, all healthy, at ages 41, 43, and 45. That wouldn’t be my choice, but before that, the partnership just wasn’t right. Everyone has to find their own path.
Altai schrieb:
I also know someone with three children, all healthy, at ages 41, 43, and 45. It wouldn’t be my choice, but previously the relationship just didn’t work out. Everyone has to find their own path. Your acquaintance should not be taken as a benchmark here. That only raises false hopes. For many, fertility declines significantly by 45, and the chances of naturally conceiving after 40 are relatively low, since about 50% of cycles are non-viable. Just because someone wants it or the circumstances aren’t ideal, nature does not wait. Biologically speaking, this is not an age to expect to have children on demand.
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Steffen8015 Mar 2019 10:13In the end, children are purely selfish regardless. Considering the current times and upcoming challenges (ecological, political, economic), anyone who decides to bring children into the world must be completely crazy. If unborn children could be asked, probably 9 out of 10 would say, "No thanks... I’d rather stay here in the womb... in the display."
As for me, I admit: I’m a selfish person, so having kids fits well with our life (plus, babies smell so good). If I weren’t selfish, I wouldn’t have gotten even close to where I am in life.
Cheers, Steffen
As for me, I admit: I’m a selfish person, so having kids fits well with our life (plus, babies smell so good). If I weren’t selfish, I wouldn’t have gotten even close to where I am in life.
Cheers, Steffen