Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Jean-Marc schrieb:
I really have a lot of respect for that kind of courage. I mean it sincerely. However, it wouldn’t be an option for us. When we were looking for a new apartment, we visited several rentals where young families lived, and I found it shocking how chaotic some of their living conditions were (or had to be). Pull-out sofas in the living room, cramped and completely cluttered children’s rooms, changing tables right in the hallway, shoes and toys scattered everywhere, and so on.
We promised ourselves never to live with children in a rental apartment. Kids grow quickly and soon need more space. But it’s not so easy at the moment to just find something new quickly in a desired location. Also, I’m not a fan of switching kindergartens and schools, which are often unavoidable when moving from a rental to a family home. I had to go through that as a child myself quite often, and it didn’t do me any good. I’d like to spare my child from that. Well, okay, our situation with housing, schools, kindergartens, etc., is probably much more relaxed than in large parts of Germany. We had a nice, affordable apartment, and without any pressure moved to an even better and cheaper one six weeks after our daughter was born. After the move into our own home, our daughter will still be able to attend the same nursery/kindergarten, and will only have to change school later, which is common for everyone anyway. So overall, we are quite well off in this regard.
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
We’ll talk again when you have children and see if everything in the house is still perfectly clean Yep, kids can spread a cookie so thoroughly that as an adult you need a whole pack to clean up.
And the sand – it has to be renewable!
S
SilentGalaxy17 Mar 2019 10:44Jean-Marc schrieb:
I would like to clarify this because that’s not what I mean by "planning security." To me, it means having a foundation that allows you to confidently start a family. In practical terms: finished education, both partners with permanent contracts, a sufficient income, and not least, a strong inner conviction that you’re ready for such a responsibility. For some, this is already the case in their early twenties, for us only in the early to mid-thirties, and for others even later. Everything else, like a quick pregnancy, health, and the child’s development, is really hard to influence—you just have to accept it as it comes.
My wife’s and my life paths have been rather unstable (studies, long-distance relationship, job changes, fixed-term contracts, one employer’s bankruptcy, knee surgery, etc.). In short, it’s only recently that we have been in a position to clear our minds for topics like children or building a house. I firmly believe that with the often demanding professional workload these days, you shouldn’t have too many open projects at once if you want to maintain your physical and mental health. That’s why we made this decision: build the house first, then start planning for a family.
We know the local discussion all too well from relatives and friends, and it’s almost always the same: those who were hired permanently right after their education and quickly landed great jobs in large companies naturally start no later than their late twenties. They can’t understand how someone at 31 or 32 could still be trying to stabilize their life. But that’s just how it is.Your house can be as big as you want and the kids’ rooms endless. Children constantly make messes and smear their little hands everywhere, spit out food, have chocolate-covered fingers, and spread cookies in every possible corner. You have to clean up every day. Several times.
H
HilfeHilfe17 Mar 2019 13:19SilentGalaxy schrieb:
No matter how big your house is and how spacious the kids’ rooms are, children constantly make messes and smear their little hands everywhere, spit out food, have chocolate-covered fingers, and spread cookies into every possible corner. You have to clean up every day. Several times. No, you’re wrong, it all comes down to upbringing! You are all too lenient *irony off*
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