Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I actually agree with HilfeHilfe.
Should this make me think twice?
I have to notice that the children in our daycare and kindergarten who are covered in brand-name goods and toys are not the children of high earners.
A few sticks, a stream, mud, and children are enough to keep them happy up to a certain age. Jumping in puddles is fun – even for me.
Education is a tricky subject
- one person uses books, explains, draws, shows
- another uses YouTube
- and the rest don’t care, that’s what daycare, school, etc. are for.
Anyway, I’m off now. I’m picking up my little one, and we’ll see what we do. Feeding ducks, playing in the mud, playground, unfortunately the snow is gone again, or baking pancakes, visiting the bakery and butcher, library
Should this make me think twice?
I have to notice that the children in our daycare and kindergarten who are covered in brand-name goods and toys are not the children of high earners.
A few sticks, a stream, mud, and children are enough to keep them happy up to a certain age. Jumping in puddles is fun – even for me.
Education is a tricky subject
- one person uses books, explains, draws, shows
- another uses YouTube
- and the rest don’t care, that’s what daycare, school, etc. are for.
Anyway, I’m off now. I’m picking up my little one, and we’ll see what we do. Feeding ducks, playing in the mud, playground, unfortunately the snow is gone again, or baking pancakes, visiting the bakery and butcher, library
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
Tomorrow morning, I’m going to bake a cake with my 6-year-old for Mom. I was going to buy one (stress-free / can’t bake). Junior says: no Dad, I have a baking book, I’ll show you. Children’s eyes melt your heart. I’m out of the discussion now. Everyone should have children whenever they want, even at 50C
chand198615 Mar 2019 14:23Garten2 schrieb:
Please explain to me what "offene Ganztage" are. There are schools here, specifically a comprehensive school I work with, where children can be looked after beyond regular school hours on school grounds. This includes lunch, various extracurricular activities, homework supervision—in short, care until late afternoon. It's called "open" because participation is not mandatory.
This is not necessarily a bad thing and is intended to help parents work full days while ensuring their children are cared for. It sounds good, and often it works well. But sometimes not.
I’ve noticed two things: First, students in grades 5 and 6 vary so much in their development that for some, detaching from their parents for several full days a week is initially too much. With older students, things are generally more relaxed. But sometimes in the extracurricular groups, I see small groups of kids, let’s say: struggling with homesickness.
Second, and more importantly: To ease this "homesickness," they turn to their smartphones. Facebook instead of interacting with other children. Messaging mom instead of teasing the teacher with Kevin. The impact on the children is significant—and negative.
Sad story: when I later try to integrate them into club groups, their social skills lag behind badly. From positive experience, I know that this issue can be addressed over one to two years with 11- to 14-year-olds—provided that periods without smartphones for extended times are enforced, which only works with parents involved as partners. Unfortunately, parents often tend to be more of a problem than a solution.
For a one-week youth trip for 12- to 16-year-olds, I enforced a phone ban(!). It almost cost me dearly. The kids themselves saved me, even standing up to their own parents. They wanted to try living completely without digital devices, having experienced it in phases before. Two kids were not allowed to join the trip. Not being able to monitor the 13-year-old son for a week (officially: to look after his best interests...) caused a mental shutdown among some very anxious project parents. Poor kids!
This got way off track and wasn’t really your question at all. But I had to get it off my chest.
haydee schrieb:
I have noticed that the children (in daycare and preschool) who are surrounded by brand-name products and toys are not the children of high earners. Interesting observation, indeed. Up to a certain income level, this broad “mass” defines itself through outward appearances (cars, clothing, technology, etc.). Above a certain income, this matters less because one stops thinking about how others perceive them (at least that’s how it is for me). But in the next higher income bracket, the same behavior reappears, though within a “smaller group.”
@chand1986 Thanks for the story about helicopter parents. Really something... unbelievable.
C
chand198615 Mar 2019 15:02Zaba12 schrieb:
Thanks for the story about helicopter parents. Crazy... really. It would only be "crazy" if these were very rare isolated cases. Unfortunately, this has been happening more and more frequently over the past 10 years. Specifically: I advocate for largely media-free environments because we do sports and social activities face-to-face. Phones and tablets just get in the way. They are not only unnecessary but harmful to the goal of our activities, which is to promote real community, social skills, and of course athletic ability.
Because anyone who retreats into the vastness of the web at the first sign of a personal difficulty doesn’t learn how to handle conflict, doesn’t develop solutions for such situations, and simply doesn’t grow socially. Concentration also suffers when you check something on your phone every 10 minutes. It’s a big problem: children who can’t focus on one thing for even 20 minutes in the beginning. No wonder they struggle in school, right?
And what do more and more parents say? "That’s just the youth’s medium, they can learn everything that way just like we did without it, no difference, and anyway, you can’t send your child anywhere without a smartphone these days, they’d get bullied as an outsider!"
I want to take those parents and shake them to see if they’re even aware of what’s happening. And I find: these are just excuses. The truth is they are addicted themselves and conditioned, and what they really can’t stand is losing control when the 24/7 digital connection to their child is cut off because the child is doing something without a smartphone.
As I said, this is unfortunately not "crazy" in the sense of "extreme but rare." It’s just "extreme."
When I was 10 years old, I could spend 14 days at a tent camp deep in the Westerwald. We called home twice, and getting to the phone booth meant a small hike of 6m (20 feet).
Today, older kids don’t spend even a week in remote cabins for training camps because parents won’t agree to a phone ban.
By the way, I now even have to argue about single-day phone-free training sessions that run from morning to evening—10 hours without phones. Several(!) parents show up to try to talk it down. Why their kids have attention difficulties and can’t keep up in school with the analog bullying victims (to put it bluntly, but that’s really how they see it) they just don’t get.
I end up there, just furious and trying hard to stay calm.
Probably that’s why I never have problems with difficult neighbors. When you get through this, you become very calm about smaller issues.
A really problematic thread ...
Anyway, one more factual point: Even if I am building a house for myself (or my family), I would still ensure that it has a standard market-typical layout and features. Simply put, this is to be able to sell the house again at market value if necessary. I don’t want to limit myself by not having extra rooms that could be used as children’s bedrooms, thereby ruling out two-thirds of potential buyers.
Anyway, one more factual point: Even if I am building a house for myself (or my family), I would still ensure that it has a standard market-typical layout and features. Simply put, this is to be able to sell the house again at market value if necessary. I don’t want to limit myself by not having extra rooms that could be used as children’s bedrooms, thereby ruling out two-thirds of potential buyers.