Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
ypg schrieb:
You really took advantage of your husband’s color blindness. Disgusting
But I find it legitimate.
(And yes, I know, you didn’t do it consciously, it was just a coincidence ) No, no... HE always says I should make the decisions because he simply can’t see the details and doesn’t want it to end up looking ugly to everyone except him, because nothing matches
B
boxandroof2 May 2019 00:10At some point during the early phase, pragmatism prevailed over both of us.
I wonder how people can manage to make it all the way to choosing paving stones despite arguments.
Towards the end, we were both relieved that the paver showed us exactly three different types of stones, so we didn’t have to go “stone shopping” with a baby in tow.
For example, my wife had found a few personal early preferences and key features that were important to her. In situations like this, it’s best to give your partner free rein and avoid interfering.
I wonder how people can manage to make it all the way to choosing paving stones despite arguments.
Towards the end, we were both relieved that the paver showed us exactly three different types of stones, so we didn’t have to go “stone shopping” with a baby in tow.
For example, my wife had found a few personal early preferences and key features that were important to her. In situations like this, it’s best to give your partner free rein and avoid interfering.
H
HilfeHilfe2 May 2019 00:39Full agreement. Some people are clearly very rigid in their thinking. Both are either teachers or civil servants, or doctors with double doctorates.
Maria16 schrieb:
Are you already expecting arguments? No. But I’m the kind of person who likes to sort out as much as possible from the start to avoid stress later on.
I still clearly remember furnishing our apartment. I like antiques, Biedermeier style, and own a few pieces myself – she prefers a more modern style, colorful LEDs, and so on. She can’t stand dark brown furniture. We already had some small discussions about that back then. But we always found compromises.
Regarding the couple with the missing paving: he apparently wanted a very specific pattern paved (club logo?). She doesn’t like it at all and finds the idea awful. In my opinion, it really depends on what was agreed beforehand and whether I had already made concessions elsewhere to fulfill a heartfelt wish here. If I had agreed to the idea beforehand and then suddenly changed my mind, I would feel pushed around if I just gave in without discussion. I don’t think this kind of thing only happens in couples that are already struggling.
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