Hello dear members,
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
It also depends on the kind of "relationship" you have with the hosts. A wedding is a family celebration, and that includes children. Especially if you think traditionally, marriage is about starting a family. So excluding children just seems absurd.
But it also depends on the situation. If, for example, a former university friend of my wife’s (mainly her) invites us, she goes while I stay at home with the kids.
If my brother gets married and our children are not allowed to come, we probably wouldn’t want to see each other for a long time.
I can also understand it if, for example, such experiences have already happened:
In that case, the parents messed up. I have attended a wedding with a baby myself and didn’t even go into the church. My wife went inside though (her sister was getting married).
Once the formal part is over, the kids usually have a lot of fun and keep each other out of adults’ way. There’s not much left for adults to do. Once the music starts, you can hardly complain about noise anymore.
By 9 p.m., everyone is usually in a sugar coma. If you have very small kids, you leave before the cake is served.
What’s really annoying are the parents who insist on having it all or don’t realize that with a baby, you simply cannot stay at a wedding until 3 a.m. completely drunk.
I don’t think so, as I mentioned before. You can take parents’ circumstances with children into account (for example, we had a separate room for the kids) or you can’t (see alessandro).
As a parent, I know I have a dependence that others don’t, and sometimes I have to pull back a little. Situations like these highlight that, and it can cause some frustration— but that passes over time, and there will be plenty of other occasions.
But it also depends on the situation. If, for example, a former university friend of my wife’s (mainly her) invites us, she goes while I stay at home with the kids.
If my brother gets married and our children are not allowed to come, we probably wouldn’t want to see each other for a long time.
I can also understand it if, for example, such experiences have already happened:
Alessandro schrieb:
Crying in church, running around during the meal, the wedding dance, the speeches, etc.
In that case, the parents messed up. I have attended a wedding with a baby myself and didn’t even go into the church. My wife went inside though (her sister was getting married).
Once the formal part is over, the kids usually have a lot of fun and keep each other out of adults’ way. There’s not much left for adults to do. Once the music starts, you can hardly complain about noise anymore.
By 9 p.m., everyone is usually in a sugar coma. If you have very small kids, you leave before the cake is served.
What’s really annoying are the parents who insist on having it all or don’t realize that with a baby, you simply cannot stay at a wedding until 3 a.m. completely drunk.
FloHB123 schrieb:
It can happen that guests with children are only at the celebration for a short time or don’t come at all because the child needs to be looked after. That naturally upsets some people.
I don’t think so, as I mentioned before. You can take parents’ circumstances with children into account (for example, we had a separate room for the kids) or you can’t (see alessandro).
As a parent, I know I have a dependence that others don’t, and sometimes I have to pull back a little. Situations like these highlight that, and it can cause some frustration— but that passes over time, and there will be plenty of other occasions.
If only everyone had been as easygoing as the children at our wedding.
To each their own. It’s common to hear about weddings without children. You just need to be aware that some people won’t come at all or will leave around dinner time.
I can’t understand the reasons for that.
To each their own. It’s common to hear about weddings without children. You just need to be aware that some people won’t come at all or will leave around dinner time.
I can’t understand the reasons for that.
A
Alessandro20 Apr 2020 13:34Of course, it is also the parents’ responsibility when children misbehave at such events. However, that doesn’t help us as the bride and groom if the atmosphere in the church or at the celebration is bad. I know this sounds harsh to the parents at first. However, all our friends and relatives usually leave their kids with the grandparents or somewhere else in order to enjoy themselves and celebrate. At a wedding, every second person reacts with incomprehension.
I would feel the same way! At our wedding, there were children as well, and we have attended other weddings with children without any issues. Ultimately, it is, of course, the decision of the bridal couple, but for me, this would also lead to declining the invitation—even if it were my best friend or even my brother.
It definitely depends on what kind of wedding you have in mind.
There is quite a difference between a formal event with a gala dinner and a wild party.
If I plan to serve a 10-course meal with a string quartet, I would probably exclude (small) children as well.
Alternatively, the event could end for parents with children by 7 pm before the main banquet is served.
There is quite a difference between a formal event with a gala dinner and a wild party.
If I plan to serve a 10-course meal with a string quartet, I would probably exclude (small) children as well.
Alternatively, the event could end for parents with children by 7 pm before the main banquet is served.
A
Alessandro20 Apr 2020 13:42I just don’t want anyone to leave early because of the kids!
That’s exactly the point. Everything always revolves around the children, and I otherwise have no problem at all—I’m even happy to join in the fun with them at their birthday parties and play clown or whatever.
Surely it’s not too much to ask to also involve the grandparents on this one day.
Not everyone has to understand, but if someone doesn’t come because they can’t be without their kids even for one day, while they’re usually happy to hand them off for various drinking parties, that’s something I personally find hard to understand.
I’ve heard it so many times: “We have to go home, the little one is tired.” If all guests with children do the same, we’ll be left alone on the dance floor by midnight.
That’s exactly the point. Everything always revolves around the children, and I otherwise have no problem at all—I’m even happy to join in the fun with them at their birthday parties and play clown or whatever.
Surely it’s not too much to ask to also involve the grandparents on this one day.
Not everyone has to understand, but if someone doesn’t come because they can’t be without their kids even for one day, while they’re usually happy to hand them off for various drinking parties, that’s something I personally find hard to understand.
I’ve heard it so many times: “We have to go home, the little one is tired.” If all guests with children do the same, we’ll be left alone on the dance floor by midnight.