Hello dear members,
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
Quite simply: if he hadn’t built over it, there would now be space for proper sound insulation. Then he wouldn’t be able to hear your children’s drums either!
Seriously: if you are already so accommodating by tolerating the 3cm (1 inch) and paying for the soundproofing entirely yourself, even though the neighbor could be involved, he shouldn’t get so arrogant. Otherwise, refer to your approved building permit / planning permission.
Seriously: if you are already so accommodating by tolerating the 3cm (1 inch) and paying for the soundproofing entirely yourself, even though the neighbor could be involved, he shouldn’t get so arrogant. Otherwise, refer to your approved building permit / planning permission.
H
hampshire15 Apr 2020 19:50The initial encounter during the construction has already gone wrong, but that doesn’t mean there is a bad neighborhood or that things will continue like this.
First, I let people vent until they finish shouting. No one can keep that up for more than 5 minutes. Then there is a pause, and I let that settle as well. Only then do I offer something—a place to sit, something to drink, whatever is available at the moment. As long as someone is that emotional, there’s no point in having a rational conversation. Only once some calm has returned do I address the issue.
Something like this: I believe we want the same thing—a good soundproofing. And we don’t want to pay for any part of it either. Can we continue from this point?
The great thing about hot-tempered people is that they shout out all their anger right away and get it off their chest. They become approachable again and are rarely truly unpleasant.
Sounds like you handled the situation well. With a little skill, it will work out.
First, I let people vent until they finish shouting. No one can keep that up for more than 5 minutes. Then there is a pause, and I let that settle as well. Only then do I offer something—a place to sit, something to drink, whatever is available at the moment. As long as someone is that emotional, there’s no point in having a rational conversation. Only once some calm has returned do I address the issue.
Something like this: I believe we want the same thing—a good soundproofing. And we don’t want to pay for any part of it either. Can we continue from this point?
The great thing about hot-tempered people is that they shout out all their anger right away and get it off their chest. They become approachable again and are rarely truly unpleasant.
Sounds like you handled the situation well. With a little skill, it will work out.
If it goes longer than 5 minutes, you don’t know my former boss. He was unreachable for hours. Most of the time, the best option was an orderly retreat (either loudly or quietly), either voluntarily or because you got kicked out, and then wait until he returned.
Try it as Hampshire suggested. Some men behave toward women like *censored*. The only solution is to stay calm and firm. Don’t show if you’re trembling inside. That’s when they really strike out.
Try it as Hampshire suggested. Some men behave toward women like *censored*. The only solution is to stay calm and firm. Don’t show if you’re trembling inside. That’s when they really strike out.
S
Sandrasix15 Apr 2020 20:28hampshire schrieb:
The first encounter during the construction has already gone wrong, but that doesn't mean there will be a bad neighborhood or that things will just continue like this.
At first, I let people vent until they are done. Nobody can keep shouting for more than 5 minutes. Then there’s a pause, and I let that settle for a bit. Only then do I offer something— a place to sit, something to drink, whatever is available. When someone is that emotional, there’s no point in trying to be rational. Only once things have calmed down do I address the issue.
Something like this: I think we want the same thing— a good sound insulation. And we don't want to pay anything toward it. Can we continue from this point?
The great thing about hot-tempered people is that they shout all the anger out at once and get it over with. They become more approachable again and are rarely truly bad neighbors.
Sounds like you handled the situation well. With some skill, it will work out. Your word to God’s ear
What do you mean handled well? I was so stunned that he was immediately at 180 (degrees). I just stood there like a mummy.
We agreed at home to keep a low profile for now.
We might contact a lawyer for a talk.
But that would be a last resort.
The site manager will ring his doorbell in the next few days.
At our request, but approaching the matter in a de-escalating way.
Without threatening the overbuild.
Maybe that will help.
Sandrasix schrieb:
He actually wanted to go to a lawyer right away.Then he should.Sandrasix schrieb:
We might contact a lawyer for a consultation.No, it’s better if you don’t. Lawyers want to earn money, and they do that by sending letters. What could they possibly write that you couldn’t just wait out?hampshire schrieb:
At first, I let people vent until they finish yelling. Nobody can keep it up for longer than 5 minutes. Then a pause follows, and I let that sink in a bit. After that, I offer something—a place to sit, a drink, whatever is available. When someone is that emotional, trying to be factual is pointless. Only when things have calmed down do I address the issue.hampshire schrieb:
The great thing about hot-tempered people is that they scream out all their anger at once and get it over with. They become approachable again and are rarely truly unpleasant.It can be that simple.Sandrasix schrieb:
I understand him too. The poor guy had peace and quiet all along, and now a family with two children shows up.You’re too good for this world.Basically, you fit well together. Like a pot and lid. The hot-tempered one and the mummy.
Domski schrieb:
Quite simple: if he hadn’t extended the building, there would now be room for proper sound insulation. Then he wouldn’t even hear your kids’ drum set!That’s your ace.Always stay calm, just like Hampshire suggests. Offer a cookie. But don’t be sarcastic. It will work out. If you get the chance, maybe bring some cake for the workers, ring the doorbell, introduce yourself, and offer them a slice. Just act as if the stressful day never happened…
S
Sandrasix16 Apr 2020 20:43ypg schrieb:
Let him be.
No, it’s best if you don’t do that. A lawyer wants to make money, and they do that by writing letters. What could they possibly write that you wouldn’t just wait out?
It can be that simple.
You are too good for this world.
Basically, you’re a good match. Like pot and lid. A hothead and the mummy.
That is your ace.
Always stay calm. Like Hampshire advises. Offer a cookie, but don’t be sarcastic. It will work out. If you get the chance, bring the tradespeople a cake, ring the doorbell, introduce yourself, and offer them a piece. Just act like Friday never happened... I really liked your post.
I will follow your advice.
Thank you all.
You have helped me a lot emotionally and morally.
You are simply amazing!!!!
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