Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
C
chand19867 May 2019 12:04Two things:
1) Gratitude vs. Appreciation
Gratitude towards fate, towards God—this may exist if you believe in it. Here, there is the difference in levels that I specifically describe: God is always positioned above oneself. However, that does not mean that a partnership works the same way.
If I were on a date at a restaurant looking for a partner and the other person said something like: "As a foundation of a relationship, I expect the ability to feel gratitude, because if I am responsible for an income that benefits both of us, I want to feel corresponding gratitude and self-restraint in return."
I would stand up and say: "I am grateful to have been invited to this meal by your income." And then I would leave.
2.) @HilfeHilfe with his poorly informed opinion strength
If, after the children have moved out, a void enters the relationship, it is related to too few shared interests, life plans that fundamentally do not go in the same direction. What exactly this has to do with managing the bank account would need to be explained. I claim: Nothing!
1) Gratitude vs. Appreciation
Gratitude towards fate, towards God—this may exist if you believe in it. Here, there is the difference in levels that I specifically describe: God is always positioned above oneself. However, that does not mean that a partnership works the same way.
If I were on a date at a restaurant looking for a partner and the other person said something like: "As a foundation of a relationship, I expect the ability to feel gratitude, because if I am responsible for an income that benefits both of us, I want to feel corresponding gratitude and self-restraint in return."
I would stand up and say: "I am grateful to have been invited to this meal by your income." And then I would leave.
2.) @HilfeHilfe with his poorly informed opinion strength
If, after the children have moved out, a void enters the relationship, it is related to too few shared interests, life plans that fundamentally do not go in the same direction. What exactly this has to do with managing the bank account would need to be explained. I claim: Nothing!
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
The final reckoning always happens when the children have left the house. That usually leads to a big emptiness. This is where the choice between different models becomes clear: either the ones who kept everything shared and open, or two individuals with separate accounts, and so on. I believe the latter group will argue fiercely over what’s mine and yours if a separation occurs. The couples described here, each with separate accounts, both have huge egos. I have an ego too, but I love my family. Nothing gets set aside.Sorry to be this blunt, but I’ve rarely read so much nonsense in just a few sentences.
I agree with hilfehilfe regarding the joint account, even though it seems to be a minority opinion here. First, I hardly ever go to the bank; she does that and brings me my allowance. And if I get sick or develop dementia or something like that, she can access the money. If one of us dies, the other doesn’t need a probate certificate. The only important thing is that it is a joint account with rights of survivorship. One signature is enough—either his or hers. Karsten
Climbee schrieb:
...but drawing conclusions about the partnership from separate accounts is simply not valid.I think we have about 7 or 8 accounts for various reasons. I need to ask my husband if they affect our relationship in any way...Similar topics