Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Gifts can even be reclaimed unless explicitly agreed otherwise in the prenuptial agreement. Unbelievable but true. I just shook my head when my friend, who is a notary, told me this. It has come up a few times recently. After the separation, the woman had to return the gifts because she only had them for representational purposes....
While this does not match my idea of a gift, it is the reality. So it’s better to have a proper prenuptial agreement in place. The law protects both parties in this regard (issue of public policy).
While this does not match my idea of a gift, it is the reality. So it’s better to have a proper prenuptial agreement in place. The law protects both parties in this regard (issue of public policy).
Farilo schrieb:
Personally, I definitely do NOT live by the motto "Happy wife, happy life." My partner leads a very independent life. That’s why we’re together. So, your wife doesn’t have to feel grateful because she contributes equally, or how should I understand that?
In an equal relationship, gratitude doesn’t really have a place. Rather, as @chand1986 rightly points out, it’s about appreciating the contributions made by both partners.
If I, as a woman,
- take care of the children, manage the household, maintain the garden…
- make sacrifices in my career (and I don’t have just any sales job, but a fulfilling professional career!!!) and
- support my partner so he can focus fully on his demanding professional development,
and then at the end hear that I haven’t contributed anything… I feel completely unappreciated!
By now, it’s extremely important to me to be firmly self-reliant.
I find it a bit surprising that you’re having such intense discussions about Farilo’s understanding of partnership. There are so many types of relationships where two people are happy. It’s not always about give and take being perfectly balanced in every sense, but it can still be ideal for both.
On the topic: My husband and I were fortunate to be mostly on the same wavelength. Otherwise, we agree that for things that are less important to me, he decides, and vice versa. For tougher issues, we would negotiate with the approach: “If you decide this, then I get to choose that.” That only happened once or twice. Sometimes I was even glad he had the final say because, in hindsight, it was the better decision. Likewise, there are things I’m still glad I decided (he is hopeless when it comes to colors).
On the topic: My husband and I were fortunate to be mostly on the same wavelength. Otherwise, we agree that for things that are less important to me, he decides, and vice versa. For tougher issues, we would negotiate with the approach: “If you decide this, then I get to choose that.” That only happened once or twice. Sometimes I was even glad he had the final say because, in hindsight, it was the better decision. Likewise, there are things I’m still glad I decided (he is hopeless when it comes to colors).
H
HilfeHilfe6 May 2019 15:11Everything is a bit strange. I'm sticking with it. In the end, all those account separators are more problematic.
I don’t believe that, HelpHelp.
Maybe under normal circumstances, but as soon as companies and so on are involved, the situation is different. Often, you are forced to establish rules.
On the contrary, we are glad to have everything settled. That way, it will never become a problem.
We are certainly a special case and also don’t have children.
My wife is independent and earns well. Additionally, there are contractual agreements.
If there are any conflicts, as in every relationship, it’s never about the money.
Maybe under normal circumstances, but as soon as companies and so on are involved, the situation is different. Often, you are forced to establish rules.
On the contrary, we are glad to have everything settled. That way, it will never become a problem.
We are certainly a special case and also don’t have children.
My wife is independent and earns well. Additionally, there are contractual agreements.
If there are any conflicts, as in every relationship, it’s never about the money.
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
It’s all a bit strange. I still think separate accounts end up being less problematic. Only if both parties maintain the same spending habits.
In a situation where one partner is a saver and the other a spender, a joint account almost inevitably leads to conflicts.