Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
chand1986 schrieb:
You always seem to imply that this will inevitably lead to a financially stronger partner withholding something from the other, causing the relationship to break down. ... But that says more about you than about alternative lifestyles, sorry to say. Either about them or their partner (or both). That’s correct.
But some people here in the forum don’t recognize that. Or don’t want to recognize it. That’s also fine.
Everyone has different issues... All should be respected.
With that said,
Have a good evening everyone here
H
HilfeHilfe8 May 2019 02:18Müllerin schrieb:
Well, you just don’t know me – I definitely don’t put myself down.
I believe gratitude has nothing to do with belittling yourself, and I don’t feel any less valuable because I appreciate what I have in him AND, I’ll gladly say it again, I am also thankful for it.
I agree with that. I wouldn’t be grateful if he expected it. Gratitude is something you feel voluntarily. And in the context that was meant here, it definitely wasn’t the case.
I think things got mixed up there.
And about separate accounts = bad marriage, I’d rather not comment.
But I think these are principles that don’t need to be resolved here anyway, this is a building forum, not a kitchen psychology session. Well, if you’re grateful to your partner... So, we have joint accounts. I have a wonderful, strong wife and mother of my children. She’s not grateful to me for anything. That has to do with being submissive. If I needed that, I would get a dog.
I didn’t want to say anything more here, but now I will:
What on earth does the choice of bank account have to do with the partnership? I just don’t get it. What’s the difference between a joint account and two or more accounts with mutual power of attorney? Can someone please explain this to me? Am I missing something? I just don’t understand...
We decided on a joint account because it seemed more practical than each of us keeping our own accounts plus having a joint household account on top of that. We were tired of always having to figure out who was paying when we went out to eat.
We find it convenient this way and have had this joint account since the end of last year. Before that, we had separate accounts for almost 10 years—but nothing changed in our partnership because of the change in our banking setup. Maybe we’re the exception, who knows...
We didn’t even have mutual power of attorney before (we simply forgot—probably would have set that up during our joint mortgage financing).
My brother and his wife have been married for over 12 years, three kids, together for almost 20 years. They still keep their accounts separate because that’s what works for them (why, I don’t know, we’ve never talked about it—and it’s none of my business). But I also can’t say their partnership is worse because of their account setup.
To each their own!
What on earth does the choice of bank account have to do with the partnership? I just don’t get it. What’s the difference between a joint account and two or more accounts with mutual power of attorney? Can someone please explain this to me? Am I missing something? I just don’t understand...
We decided on a joint account because it seemed more practical than each of us keeping our own accounts plus having a joint household account on top of that. We were tired of always having to figure out who was paying when we went out to eat.
We find it convenient this way and have had this joint account since the end of last year. Before that, we had separate accounts for almost 10 years—but nothing changed in our partnership because of the change in our banking setup. Maybe we’re the exception, who knows...
We didn’t even have mutual power of attorney before (we simply forgot—probably would have set that up during our joint mortgage financing).
My brother and his wife have been married for over 12 years, three kids, together for almost 20 years. They still keep their accounts separate because that’s what works for them (why, I don’t know, we’ve never talked about it—and it’s none of my business). But I also can’t say their partnership is worse because of their account setup.
To each their own!
H
HilfeHilfe8 May 2019 07:21Who gets to decide on the vacation? The higher earner with the large bank account who wants to book the Maldives. And the lower earner? Do they just have to save up for it? Hmm
HilfeHilfe schrieb:
Well, if you feel grateful to your partner. So, we have joint accounts—I have a wonderful, strong woman and mother of my children. She isn’t grateful to me for anything. It has something to do with being submissive. If I need that, I’ll get a dog. You don’t understand. But that’s okay, everyone has their own worldview. So I’m out of this topic.
C
chand19868 May 2019 07:43Vacation is not really a topic here because it’s not important. No one would think of flying to the Maldives. What matters more in a partnership is the shared view that both consider air travel unnecessary.
As mentioned, if the main values align well, the type of joint account setup doesn’t matter. If there are significant differences in personal spending habits, separate accounts are more advantageous.
P.S.: If anyone really wanted to go to the Maldives here, it would be possible. Just not with me. There is that much freedom.
As mentioned, if the main values align well, the type of joint account setup doesn’t matter. If there are significant differences in personal spending habits, separate accounts are more advantageous.
P.S.: If anyone really wanted to go to the Maldives here, it would be possible. Just not with me. There is that much freedom.