Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
C
chand19866 May 2019 15:34Exactly!
Jean-Marc schrieb:
Only if both maintain the same spending discipline.
In a situation where a saver is with a spender, having a joint account is practically a recipe for disaster. That's right. When I was younger, I had a long and wonderful relationship with a gambler. We are still close friends and get along great. But we both knew that a joint account was out of the question.
Jean-Marc schrieb:
Only if both maintain the same spending discipline. In the scenario "frugal person loves spender," a joint account is practically a ticking time bomb. Sure, but in the long term, such relationships don’t last. This is what you call self-regulation. Both end up unhappy in such situations.
Zaba12 schrieb:
Sure, but in the long run, these kinds of relationships don’t last. That’s usually called self-regulation. Both parties end up unhappy in such cases. If the accounts are separate, then such a relationship has a chance. The “spender” doesn’t have to be a bad partner otherwise. My sister-in-law is an example. She earns well but also spends just as freely (lunch at a trendy Italian restaurant, mostly shopping at organic markets, etc.). Even a short-term overdraft is accepted from time to time. She’s a nice person by nature, but without separate accounts, it wouldn’t work with her partner at all. It’s pure self-protection for both sides. And this relationship has lasted for 16 years.
We also have unequal financial situations...
And I have to say, without my partner's additional equity, the house would have simply been smaller or less equipped...
If he had said: I have more equity, so I decide, I would have said: then we will build the house according to my equity and we will both choose everything 50/50...
I mean, hello, hopefully I will live there for 40 years... and pay it off for my entire life...
And I have to say, without my partner's additional equity, the house would have simply been smaller or less equipped...
If he had said: I have more equity, so I decide, I would have said: then we will build the house according to my equity and we will both choose everything 50/50...
I mean, hello, hopefully I will live there for 40 years... and pay it off for my entire life...
Altai schrieb:
So, your wife doesn’t have to be grateful because she equally contributes, or how should I understand that?
In an equal partnership, there is no place for gratitude, but rather, as @chand1986 correctly writes, an appreciation of the mutual contributions.You don’t have to understand that at all. It’s fine.
However, I believe that if someone wants to understand me, they should read my contributions without prejudice or ulterior motives and then actually understand them. It’s not difficult. Of course, if you want or need to be everybody’s darling, this won’t work.
And if someone does not want to understand, then explaining everything here is pointless...
I also respect your opinion that gratitude has no place in an equal partnership. However, I do not agree with it at all.