Good day!
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
H
hampshire16 Feb 2020 18:31Klangvoll schrieb:
And I’ve really been through all the single coaches. They tell me clearly that I’m not objectively doing anything wrong. In plain terms: I don’t know how I can help you either.
Klangvoll schrieb:
My parents would see any decision of mine that deviates from the paths they’ve set as deeply ungrateful. Parents have to face this at some point. The longer this kind of "emotional blackmail" works, the harder it is to break away. Distance and change help to alter the dynamic. Physical closeness intensifies the relationship’s mechanics.
Klangvoll schrieb:
Recently, my mother said to me in a very serious tone: "Something is worrying me. I happened to see you leave the house at 10 p.m. yesterday. Should I be worried? I couldn’t sleep all night.” That’s a side effect of the system – parents don’t always feel great about it either.
Buy or rent an apartment and take a second residence. You can keep the house as a "home office." It doesn’t have to be big. Take a corner you like and that suits you. I know many neighborhoods in Berlin I like, for example around Winterfeldplatz. There you’ll find contemporary art and culture, a diverse crowd, but not the stressful, overly trendy vibe.
Zauberwesen schrieb:
Anyone equating the AfD with the Greens (#25) might be a bit confused themselves... And no, I wouldn’t vote for the Greens right now either Where did I say that? I can’t find it.
Zauberwesen16 Feb 2020 18:56I specifically mentioned the postal code. This isn’t a political forum, so just own it – unfortunately, it has become socially acceptable by now.
KingJulien16 Feb 2020 18:58opalau schrieb:
Twin?
https://www.hausbau-forum.de/threads/grundsatzfrage-Grundstück-auf-vorrat-erwerben.27148/Or/And @Compositeur? Multiple personalities?
Or are there really that many strange people in Berlin?
Somehow, this reminds me a bit of an afternoon show on RTL II...
F
Fummelbrett!16 Feb 2020 19:44There really are people like that. It shows in everything they do – as a woman, you’d want to get away from that quickly.
Your problem is your parents. If your mother is already “coincidentally” making such observations, you know she’s constantly watching from behind the curtains, keeping an eye on what the boy is doing. Can you at least separate your house visually; for example, by putting up a fence? You really need to decide what you want – either live your own life and find a partner or live your life for your parents. You can’t do both. Of course, your mother won’t like it when you finally become independent, but she has to accept it.
What qualities should your ideal partner have? Maybe you’re just looking in the wrong places or have completely unrealistic expectations. Do you enjoy living in your house and your neighborhood? If you’re into alternative green/ecological lifestyles, a self-sustaining garden could be ideal. Maybe that would attract potential partners.
(by the way… in the neighborhood, there’s a man with a large house whom we only call the “municipal neighbor.” He lives there with his wife and two to three girlfriends who constantly change – and they all seem, at least on the surface, to be associated with a very alternative lifestyle. Where he finds these women is a big mystery to us; at least it’s entertaining to hear them in the garden on warm summer nights, doing what they call “menstruating together by moonlight” – or whatever it is they’re up to ^^)
Do you know how your mother feels about a potential daughter-in-law? I’d guess she would constantly interfere and your partner wouldn’t be able to do anything right since she “stole” her beloved son. That wouldn’t be a great foundation, so you’d need to find a decent partner who can tolerate that without a fuss.
I think the idea of finding your own apartment first is great. It doesn’t have to be a boat. Just find a small apartment in town, and then you can commute to your house for work. It doesn’t have to be forever – but at least for a year or two to gain some distance.
Your problem is your parents. If your mother is already “coincidentally” making such observations, you know she’s constantly watching from behind the curtains, keeping an eye on what the boy is doing. Can you at least separate your house visually; for example, by putting up a fence? You really need to decide what you want – either live your own life and find a partner or live your life for your parents. You can’t do both. Of course, your mother won’t like it when you finally become independent, but she has to accept it.
What qualities should your ideal partner have? Maybe you’re just looking in the wrong places or have completely unrealistic expectations. Do you enjoy living in your house and your neighborhood? If you’re into alternative green/ecological lifestyles, a self-sustaining garden could be ideal. Maybe that would attract potential partners.
(by the way… in the neighborhood, there’s a man with a large house whom we only call the “municipal neighbor.” He lives there with his wife and two to three girlfriends who constantly change – and they all seem, at least on the surface, to be associated with a very alternative lifestyle. Where he finds these women is a big mystery to us; at least it’s entertaining to hear them in the garden on warm summer nights, doing what they call “menstruating together by moonlight” – or whatever it is they’re up to ^^)
Do you know how your mother feels about a potential daughter-in-law? I’d guess she would constantly interfere and your partner wouldn’t be able to do anything right since she “stole” her beloved son. That wouldn’t be a great foundation, so you’d need to find a decent partner who can tolerate that without a fuss.
I think the idea of finding your own apartment first is great. It doesn’t have to be a boat. Just find a small apartment in town, and then you can commute to your house for work. It doesn’t have to be forever – but at least for a year or two to gain some distance.
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