Good day!
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
Klangvoll schrieb:
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Recently, my mother said to me in a very serious tone, “Something is bothering me. I happened to see you leave the house yesterday at 10 pm (22:00). Should I be worried? I couldn’t sleep all night.”
The truth was, I had forgotten dinner because of all the work and then went to the kebab shop. Uh, and you seriously wonder why no woman shows interest in you? At a certain age, probably (almost—but never say never) every mentally healthy woman would want to get away from such a parent-child relationship.
As many others have already said—your house is your least problem. Your main issue—based on what can be judged from your posts—is your relationship with your parents, your lack of flexibility (how could an outsider possibly fit even remotely into the family dynamic between you and your parents?), your lack of self-confidence, and your frustration. “The” women have nothing to do with that. The only one who can change the situation is you—and only you.
Pianist schrieb:
So, I just want to mention that I don’t know the person in question.
However, I have to admit that his situation sounds quite familiar to me. Until a few years ago, my situation was very similar. If you really are three different people, you might consider meeting up, say in Berlin for example.
Maybe together you could find a solution, especially if the situation that one of you complains about is already a thing of the past for another (as for the third, I don’t quite remember anymore).
Klangvoll schrieb:
And when shopping, at the hairdresser, etc., I only see older people... Unconsciously, everyone probably has their own rhythm for when they go shopping. When I go alone, I see fewer couples than when I go with my partner. When my grandmother was elderly, I used to go shopping with her and saw many older people. Now she has passed away—if I went shopping with her today, I would probably see dead people. Notice anything? I mean, something like a preliminary suspicion of a causal connection?
If I had come across unsuitable matches on any kind of partnership platform, I would have unsubscribed rather than trying out more unsuitable candidates from the same source.
And as far as real estate goes, the three most important factors are well known: location, location, location. In this case: location “right next to mom” (“mom” = “mother-in-law of the beloved one”). Ouch. That’s tough, you can tell yourself, right?
Klangvoll schrieb:
I can’t sell my house because it’s on my parents’ land. As far as I am informed, it even formally belongs to my parents because of that, although I paid for it myself. Brilliant. When your parents eventually pass away, your tax exemption will be completely used up for something you paid for yourself. A real kicker and a pat on the back if it weren’t so bitter.
https://www.instagram.com/11antgmxde/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/bauen-jetzt/
H
hampshire17 Feb 2020 14:03Regarding boats: Before building our house, we looked at a few boats—including hybrid boats from Greenline. The house ended up costing a bit more, and since we don’t like unsecured loans, we decided to skip the boat. I still think those boats are great, and they’re capable of much more than just staying docked. Just search for Greenline online.
Of course, using a boat primarily as a means for successful matchmaking is quite an unusual approach. But when it comes to literally throwing something overboard, it seems like a good idea to me.
In the end, you always carry yourself along when you move elsewhere. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where “luggage” ends and the “person” begins. Often, backpacks feel almost like a part of you.
Of course, using a boat primarily as a means for successful matchmaking is quite an unusual approach. But when it comes to literally throwing something overboard, it seems like a good idea to me.
In the end, you always carry yourself along when you move elsewhere. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where “luggage” ends and the “person” begins. Often, backpacks feel almost like a part of you.
Klangvoll schrieb:
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Recently, my mother said to me in a very serious tone, "Something has been bothering me. I happened to see you leave the house at 10 p.m. (10:00 PM) yesterday. Should I be worried? I couldn’t sleep all night."
The fact was, I had forgotten to eat dinner because of so much work and ended up going to the kebab shop.I can understand that very well; I went through the same thing when I was 14 or 15.
Even if it sounds harsh, the problem is simply you. You should consider whether you want to spend your mother’s last days trying to please her and live a lonely and seemingly unhappy life, or if you want to start living your own life now in your mid-40s.
H
hampshire17 Feb 2020 16:21People diagnosing relationship dynamics remotely can sometimes be intrusive. We can at best only speculate about how the system exactly works – but certainly not judge it.
@Klangvoll:
What this clearly shows, however, is that a relationship system also affects third parties (not only visitors on site, but even those briefly addressed online) and can generate quite vivid perceptions there. Being able to influence these perceptions, or at least becoming aware of their impact and identifying and using key leverage points, is very likely crucial on the path to forming a partnership.
In my family environment, there are several constellations that strongly reminded me of your explanations.
@Klangvoll:
What this clearly shows, however, is that a relationship system also affects third parties (not only visitors on site, but even those briefly addressed online) and can generate quite vivid perceptions there. Being able to influence these perceptions, or at least becoming aware of their impact and identifying and using key leverage points, is very likely crucial on the path to forming a partnership.
In my family environment, there are several constellations that strongly reminded me of your explanations.