Good day!
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
Klangvoll schrieb:
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? The other day, my mother said to me in a very serious tone: “Something is bothering me. I happened to see you leave the house yesterday at 10 p.m. (22:00). Should I be worried? I couldn’t sleep all night.” That’s exactly where your “women problem” lies.
Honestly, if I found out on a date that he lives with or next to his parents, I’d try to find out through careful questioning whether situations like that happen without him setting clear boundaries with his parents... if yes, that would be a deal breaker immediately.
And I’m still under 30... I can imagine that confident women your age would be even more put off.
I also dated intensively 10 years ago.
A woman has to kiss at least 50 frogs to find the right one.
A political question was never asked by either side.
And yes: questions about his financial situation are asked, but whether his mother lives nearby is usually only revealed through casual conversation.
What then happens to the mother’s expectations?
Separate yourself physically from your parents. Even if it hurts them: they have to accept it. Visits are of course allowed. But if there is whining, I would quickly get away, otherwise they will never learn.
A woman has to kiss at least 50 frogs to find the right one.
A political question was never asked by either side.
And yes: questions about his financial situation are asked, but whether his mother lives nearby is usually only revealed through casual conversation.
Wickie schrieb:
And if you live on your houseboat, what happens to the place?
What then happens to the mother’s expectations?
guckuck2 schrieb:If you continue to tolerate your parents’ control, you don’t need to think about making changes. That’s how it is.
Your lack of assertiveness towards your parents seems insecure.
Separate yourself physically from your parents. Even if it hurts them: they have to accept it. Visits are of course allowed. But if there is whining, I would quickly get away, otherwise they will never learn.
K
Klangvoll17 Feb 2020 07:40The idea of using a boat might not be such a bad one, as it would allow for gradually increasing the number of overnight stays...
By the way, I am not a pianist, so I don’t perform anywhere. I work entirely in my basement studio, and data exchange happens online. Mostly film sound mixing, but also sometimes music for commercials. I usually never meet my clients in person. And when shopping or at the hairdresser, for example, I only see older people...
By the way, I am not a pianist, so I don’t perform anywhere. I work entirely in my basement studio, and data exchange happens online. Mostly film sound mixing, but also sometimes music for commercials. I usually never meet my clients in person. And when shopping or at the hairdresser, for example, I only see older people...
Good morning!
I was mentioned somewhere here and received a notification. Therefore, I just want to clarify that I don’t know this person.
However, I have to admit that their situation sounds quite familiar to me. Until a few years ago, my situation was very similar. Fortunately, I eventually found someone who moved in with me along with her young daughter. She isn’t completely happy here, but she puts up with it because the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Maybe this person should consider whether a woman who already has a child might be an option. However, I would make sure that there is no contact with the child’s father, as that can be extremely stressful.
Basically, it should be prohibited for children to build next to their parents—at least in areas where this is not common practice.
I would also like to address one more point: I read here that a house automatically belongs to the owner of the land it is built on. Is this something that can be found in any building code / construction law?
Matthias
I was mentioned somewhere here and received a notification. Therefore, I just want to clarify that I don’t know this person.
However, I have to admit that their situation sounds quite familiar to me. Until a few years ago, my situation was very similar. Fortunately, I eventually found someone who moved in with me along with her young daughter. She isn’t completely happy here, but she puts up with it because the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Maybe this person should consider whether a woman who already has a child might be an option. However, I would make sure that there is no contact with the child’s father, as that can be extremely stressful.
Basically, it should be prohibited for children to build next to their parents—at least in areas where this is not common practice.
I would also like to address one more point: I read here that a house automatically belongs to the owner of the land it is built on. Is this something that can be found in any building code / construction law?
Matthias