Good day!
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
Klangvoll schrieb:
I would have to do many things differently than before, but I hardly see any way to bring about the changes involved. You seem to be stuck in one place.
You would have to change something about yourself. But my suggestion with the coach hasn't even been commented on. You seem to prefer complaining rather than stepping out of your comfort zone?!
A
allstar8316 Feb 2020 12:39Klangvoll schrieb:
I’m not here to entertain anyone, but to find solutions for my life. Somehow, I’m stuck in a situation I can’t get out of. I would need to do many things differently than before, but I hardly see any possibilities to make the necessary changes happen. Try having an open conversation with your parents about wanting to try something different. Make it appealing to them by saying you’re doing it for potential grandchildren.
A basic principle of caregiving, as far as I remember from my time in the military, is that you should seek help before you break down yourself.
K
Klangvoll16 Feb 2020 12:42You are not in need of care yet. I have honestly tried all the single coaches. They clearly tell me that I am not doing anything wrong objectively. They do have different methods in detail, but ultimately, they all agree that I have to be lucky enough to eventually meet someone who likes me as I am and who suits me.
K
Klangvoll16 Feb 2020 12:48In any case, I fully understand the women who don’t want to live here. With the knowledge I have today, I wouldn’t build here either. We are practically surrounded by large housing estates because my father was the only one in the 1970s who didn’t want to sell his land. Most likely, none of this would even be marketable or saleable today.
A
allstar8316 Feb 2020 12:52Sounds a bit sad overall... Big house, lots of money, lots of work, no time/free time, no open communication, big wishes for a long time, but seemingly no willingness to make changes... It’s really worth remembering that you only live once.
All the best for the future.
All the best for the future.
P
Pinkiponk16 Feb 2020 13:11Klangvoll schrieb:
I can’t ask my parents to go through a formal division of their property. That would shatter their world. They are already old and need me. To me, it sounds like you are in a kind of dependent partnership with your parents. Few people, regardless of gender, appreciate that.
It’s strange that you feel so responsible for your parents, who are neither in need of care nor are they not grown adults. They seem to have arranged their lives largely as they prefer, so why shouldn’t you be allowed to do the same? Or why don’t they encourage you to do so?