Good day!
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
May I please tap into the collective intelligence of this forum for a very basic question? I assume many people here have given a lot of thought to the topic of "living," so I hope to get some input.
First of all: Twenty years ago, I built a house on my parents’ property in a suburb of Berlin. I was in my mid-20s at the time. Now I am in my mid-40s and still live there alone, because this type of living arrangement (house with a garden in a suburb and my parents right next door) seems to be a total deal-breaker for women in Berlin. I should mention that I don’t generally have much luck with women and have to fight hard for every single date. Whenever a woman did come over—which was very rare—that was also the last date.
Now I’m wondering: What are my chances of changing my living situation? And what kind of living arrangement would better suit my situation? Obviously, the house with the garden is not the answer. I spent three years building it at the time and mostly paid from ongoing income, since I’ve always had good projects and earned well. Since moving in, I have been investing the monthly rent I was saving into a stock fund, and I now have about 400,000 EUR (about $440,000) saved up. Of course, that’s not enough for a plot of land and a new house somewhere else. I also don’t want to get into debt.
I cannot sell my house, since it is built on my parents’ land. From what I understand, the property still legally belongs to my parents, even though I paid for the construction. Renting it out is not an option either, since my parents don’t want strangers on their property. Leaving it empty is out of the question for me because of my social conscience, and it would also be economically pointless.
What options do you see? I have never lived in a rented apartment or a multi-family building, so I don’t know if owning a condominium (flat/apartment) would be a solution for me. I am always worried that someone above me might fall asleep with a cigarette or someone next door might tamper with their gas heating.
I am open to all ideas, including ones I haven’t thought of yet. I can even imagine buying a boat and living on it year-round. I could partly offset the cost of the mooring by no longer needing a cleaning service. This would also allow me to adapt my place of residence flexibly according to circumstances. For example, when others have to leave their apartments because a bomb needs to be defused nearby, I could simply move my floating home outside the evacuation zone for that time. That doesn’t sound too bad. I just don’t know how that would go over with women. It probably can’t be worse than now…
What do you think?
Sebastian
If you weren’t from Berlin, I would think you are an acquaintance of mine.
Anyone who enters a relationship with him also has to deal with his mother.
In short, an unhappy, slightly depressive mama’s boy who is looking for a mix between a model and a housewife to tell him every day how great he is.
Appearance is okay
Income is okay
Manners are okay
Only
His charisma and non-verbal communication are off-putting
Change yourself, otherwise nothing will come of the hipster penthouse either.
Anyone who enters a relationship with him also has to deal with his mother.
In short, an unhappy, slightly depressive mama’s boy who is looking for a mix between a model and a housewife to tell him every day how great he is.
Appearance is okay
Income is okay
Manners are okay
Only
His charisma and non-verbal communication are off-putting
Change yourself, otherwise nothing will come of the hipster penthouse either.
I belong to those who generally advise 25-year-old single men against building a house on their own. The problem is always that she has to move to him, so it’s not a shared project. There’s no joint nest-building, so to speak.
Then there’s an even more complicated situation—building at the parents’ place. Financially, of course, that’s great, but for the partner who moves in, it can feel very awkward. I know enough people who often complain about the ever-present in-laws.
And you combine the two: a roughly 45-year-old single living in their own house in the parents’ garden. Best case, you carry the laundry back and forth and have lunch at mom’s every day.
That comes across as extremely dependent. Your lack of assertiveness toward your parents appears to show little self-confidence.
Are your parents (or is it just your mother?) aware of how something like this affects you?
Since you’re already open to using coaches, my advice would be to do it as a group: you, your parents, and a coach or therapist.
You really need to become independent, and your parents need to let you go.
Maybe you’ll have the chance to spend an extended period working somewhere else?
Then there’s an even more complicated situation—building at the parents’ place. Financially, of course, that’s great, but for the partner who moves in, it can feel very awkward. I know enough people who often complain about the ever-present in-laws.
And you combine the two: a roughly 45-year-old single living in their own house in the parents’ garden. Best case, you carry the laundry back and forth and have lunch at mom’s every day.
That comes across as extremely dependent. Your lack of assertiveness toward your parents appears to show little self-confidence.
Klangvoll schrieb:
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Recently, my mother said to me in a very serious tone: “Something is bothering me. I happened to see you leave the house yesterday at 10 p.m. Do I need to worry? I couldn’t sleep all night.”
The truth was that I forgot to have dinner because I was so busy with work and then went out to a kebab place.
Are your parents (or is it just your mother?) aware of how something like this affects you?
Since you’re already open to using coaches, my advice would be to do it as a group: you, your parents, and a coach or therapist.
You really need to become independent, and your parents need to let you go.
Maybe you’ll have the chance to spend an extended period working somewhere else?
Klangvoll schrieb:
My parents would see any decision I make that deviates from the paths they set as extremely ungrateful.My very clear, very serious advice:
**Move out as soon as possible!** Without worrying about your parents. Either you make a clean break, or things stay the same—lonely and isolated living with your parents. What kind of tyrants are they, making you feel guilty just because you go out to get a kebab? Make it very clear to your mother that it’s none of her business when, where, or with whom you go out.
Honestly… just rent an apartment somewhere trendy if the most important question on dates is where you live!
P
Pinkiponk16 Feb 2020 18:15Another option would be to consider a partner from a different cultural background. In some cultures, this way of living together is common.
Zauberwesen16 Feb 2020 18:29Bookstar schrieb:
What kind of nonsense are you writing? You can have whatever opinion you want about the AfD, but very few people have anything to do with Nazis there.Anyone who equates the AfD with the Greens (#25) might be a bit confused themselves... And no, I wouldn’t vote for the Greens at the moment either.