Hello dear forum members,
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
lisa-kessler schrieb:
I am very torn because I think you would never have true privacy there.Trust your gut feeling.Without having read the other comments... Separation... Interference... and so on.
Just imagine your partner dies unexpectedly and you continue living there. What about a fresh start? That would be impossible. The parents would see it as a betrayal of their son.
S
Stefan2.848 Jun 2020 20:52We could have built on either my parents’ or my in-laws’ property (after subdividing first, of course). But fortunately, we agreed that we didn’t want either option. (Although we have a good relationship with both sets of parents.) It really is a tough decision, especially since it can be financially advantageous. The best thing is to be in agreement when making this decision. Of course, there are benefits to both, and everything can work out well with everyone living happily…
matte1987 schrieb:
Without intending to offend you, I do believe this is somewhat like comparing apples and oranges.
Building next to your parents is one thing, living under the same roof with them is another.
Apartment and single-family house I didn’t mean to say that the situation is exactly the same, but at least somewhat similar.
For us, it’s not actually the living directly in the house that’s the problem, but rather the shared outdoor areas. And to me, it sounds like the outdoor spaces would be shared. From my personal experience, I would advise against that.
If everything is clearly separated (own driveway/yard/garden), it might work (provided the parents-in-law don’t interfere too much).
But it really depends on the individual situation.
L
lisa-kessler10 Jun 2020 15:40For your information, we have dropped the topic and are currently working on a municipal building plot. I somehow feel better about it.
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Pinkiponk17 Jun 2020 17:25lisa-kessler schrieb:
...
I am really torn because I think you would never have real privacy there.
...I assume this comment refers to your parents-in-law’s property or possibly the other properties as well? I will simply assume the former:Ultimately, in my opinion, it depends on how family- or origin-family–oriented both of you are. Speaking for myself, such close proximity to parents or parents-in-law would never be an option under any circumstances. However, there are forum members here who live like that and apparently have no issues with it. The fact that you have been considering this for three years shows me that you both have reservations.
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Pinkiponk17 Jun 2020 17:30nordanney schrieb:
That speaks more against an additional land purchase if the parents-in-law provide the plot. From my point of view, the problems start right there. The forum member and her husband are basically living beyond their means because they cannot afford the house and the land, which means they are forever (?) indebted and obliged to gratitude and accommodation. In my opinion, such an imbalance also damages otherwise fairly good relationships between children and parents. And sons- and daughters-in-law are another matter entirely.