Hello dear forum members,
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
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nordanney17 Jun 2020 17:32Pinkiponk schrieb:
In my opinion, this is where the problems already start.That was only part of my quotes. I also mentioned that I would not do something like that.P
Pinkiponk17 Jun 2020 17:33lisa-kessler schrieb:
The demolition costs would be covered by the father-in-law (had a brief discussion with a prefab house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost €30,000 with "Connections"). If your father-in-law has the funds for the demolition, he could give this money to his son as an early inheritance, then you add some of your own equity and purchase a different plot of land.
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Pinkiponk17 Jun 2020 17:43Climbee schrieb:
...In your case, it is your mother, not your mother-in-law. According to the stereotype and my experience, this can make more or less of a difference.
Pinkiponk schrieb:
From my point of view, that’s where the problems already start. No, see post #40:
lisa-kessler schrieb:
For everyone’s information, we have dropped the subject [...] As far as I know (if I may quote Schabowski again), "for everyone" also includes Pinkiponk
https://www.instagram.com/11antgmxde/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/bauen-jetzt/
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pagoni202019 Jun 2020 14:19lisa-kessler schrieb:
@K1300S: true... I have doubts, which is why I’m asking again here to double-check...
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just seeing it too narrowly.
My partner would really like to do it, but I’m honestly quite reluctant by now.
We still have the option to buy land. The question is, if you’re not married, is it better if only one person buys it?
You can return it to the municipality within three years.Life can sometimes feel really long, and you can only consider the known scenarios to some extent. This isn’t about negative thinking, but more about equal conditions. I experienced this living with my parents, and we always liked it that way. Still, it definitely brings up issues you wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s also related to the often sensitive issue that a son always remains a son and can therefore face loyalty conflicts more often… oh dear. If BOTH of you!!!!! can clearly separate that from the rest and always go 100% your own way, then maybe yes. But with even 1% uncertainty, the answer is no.
The son always remains the child/the son at home… even if he’s 60 years old or older.
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pagoni202019 Jun 2020 14:23matte1987 schrieb:
As someone who built next to their parents:
We had the opportunity to get a plot of land from my parents in a good location. With land prices at 270€/m² (34 USD/sq ft), it was a fairly easy decision for me, as long as a few basic principles like privacy could be maintained.
My wife was initially skeptical because of the proximity. Financially, however, it was significant enough that we decided to go for it.
My wife is also listed on the property deed and the financing.
We handled everything with an architect and so far we have nothing negative to report.
We are also lucky that my parents are very considerate, as they went through a similar situation with my grandmother and had rather negative experiences. They want to do it better this time.
After living in the house for 2.5 years (2.5 years), it has settled in a way that we are very satisfied.
However, I would not generally advise you to do this, as there are many details to consider depending on the plot and especially your relationship with your parents/parents-in-law.
With your land prices, even for me as a son, the decision would not have been so clear-cut. Ultimately, you have to decide for yourselves, but I wouldn’t strongly recommend or discourage it. That’s true... and you say this as a “son involved,” with parents who apparently handle it thoughtfully. I believe this can bring problems into the household, yet you can still be close and support each other. If separation is considered, that would be a complete disaster—it would clearly be obvious who leaves the house. I’m always happy to be close, but always with a distance personally chosen by me.