Hello dear forum members,
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
We did it. I like my parents-in-law very much, but I would never do it again.
The garden was divided, and both houses were given equally sized plots. The houses basically face each other.
Since my parents-in-law have a huge carport, they consider our garden a shared space. Unfortunately, “shared” means to them that they can do whatever they want and we have to ask for permission.
We have lived here since 2006, and it wasn’t until 2018 that they realized this arrangement was not acceptable. Nevertheless, they once paved a pool base including part of our property without permission.
What weighs heavier for me, however, is the moral aspect. I would like to sell and move somewhere else, but my conscience forbids it because my parents-in-law would then have no garden and everything would have to be changed—and now my father-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer.
For me, that moral responsibility alone is a reason I would never do it again.
Others might not think about it as much.
But especially when your father-in-law is also involved in demolition work, you always feel indebted.
The garden was divided, and both houses were given equally sized plots. The houses basically face each other.
Since my parents-in-law have a huge carport, they consider our garden a shared space. Unfortunately, “shared” means to them that they can do whatever they want and we have to ask for permission.
We have lived here since 2006, and it wasn’t until 2018 that they realized this arrangement was not acceptable. Nevertheless, they once paved a pool base including part of our property without permission.
What weighs heavier for me, however, is the moral aspect. I would like to sell and move somewhere else, but my conscience forbids it because my parents-in-law would then have no garden and everything would have to be changed—and now my father-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer.
For me, that moral responsibility alone is a reason I would never do it again.
Others might not think about it as much.
But especially when your father-in-law is also involved in demolition work, you always feel indebted.
For me, moving very close to my parents or in-laws would be an absolute no-go. This is mainly because we have very stubborn parents who always believe they have already lived life and want to have the final say on everything, no matter the topic.
Since we have our son, it has become even more difficult because we don’t really raise the child alone – Grandma and Grandpa think we are too strict.
If you’re already having doubts, I would recommend finding a neutral piece of land. In any case, you should have thorough discussions to ensure your partner does not feel sidelined. For me, absolute honesty is very important in these matters, and I would advise everyone to be honest with each other in situations like this.
Since we have our son, it has become even more difficult because we don’t really raise the child alone – Grandma and Grandpa think we are too strict.
If you’re already having doubts, I would recommend finding a neutral piece of land. In any case, you should have thorough discussions to ensure your partner does not feel sidelined. For me, absolute honesty is very important in these matters, and I would advise everyone to be honest with each other in situations like this.
L
lisa-kessler8 Jun 2020 13:19tomtom79 schrieb:
Make a non-binding reservation first, so you definitely won’t feel any pressure and nobody can take it away from you.Unfortunately, it is not possible to reserve a plot of land. You must purchase it and then develop it within three years — otherwise, the plot will revert to the municipality.
L
lisa-kessler8 Jun 2020 13:23Assuming we buy such a municipal plot this year.
We are not married.
Is it better to split the costs? For example, him paying half and me paying half?
I understand that the plots can be returned to the municipality at any time.
Or rather, it is even mandatory if no building is started on the plot within three years.
We are not married.
Is it better to split the costs? For example, him paying half and me paying half?
I understand that the plots can be returned to the municipality at any time.
Or rather, it is even mandatory if no building is started on the plot within three years.
lisa-kessler schrieb:
Suppose we buy a municipal building plot later this year.
We are not married.
Is it better to split the costs? Like him paying half and me paying half?
I understand that the plots can be returned to the municipality at any time. Are you paying from personal funds, or will a loan be needed? In principle, a 50/50 split isn’t a bad idea, but I don’t know your situation.
If each of you contributes half (in terms of equity and repayment of the loan), then you should also each hold 50% ownership in the land register – otherwise, the shares should be distributed accordingly. However, keep in mind to consider the project as a whole, not just the land purchase. After all, a house is going to be built on it as well.
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