ᐅ Helpers from family, friends, and acquaintances

We have been renovating for 10 weeks now, and thanks to good friends and family, we usually have one or more helpers for a few hours each weekend. BUT: we hardly ever actively ask who has time. We told people we appreciate the help, but it’s not necessary, and anyone who wants to can come—we’re always around anyway (at least one of us, since we have two small children). I do most of the work alone because my husband works full-time and I currently have more time during the week. And I actually make the most progress working by myself; I get a lot more done. We also help friends with their houses or moves, of course, no question. But I completely understand anyone who doesn’t want to be there all the time. We still have 7 weeks to go, and we’ll see how much help comes. In my opinion, it’s best not to expect or demand it.

Here is a personal experience report from me. Of course, this only reflects our very specific circumstances and is not necessarily applicable to everyone.

We are also doing some of the work ourselves.
- Cladding the eaves box (cornice box)
- Installing interior window sills
- Installing the side entrance door in the garage
- Complete drywall work
- Painting and laying flooring
- Fitting interior doors
- A few small other tasks that are not worth mentioning

So overall, not that much.

The first three tasks are fully completed, and we are currently working on the drywall (initially just insulating the wooden beam ceiling, installing the vapor barrier, and battens; the gypsum boards will come later). So far, I have no complaints. My family—my father, mother, and brother—are very helpful and always available when there is something to do. Always! We have a very good relationship and are very close.

My father is an early retiree but still reasonably fit, very ambitious, hardworking, and extremely skilled in craftsmanship. He basically spends more time on the construction than my husband or I do. Since he is no longer fully employed (he only has a part-time job alongside his early retirement pension), he is often at the site early in the morning or in the forenoon and also helps in the afternoons/evenings when we get home from work. He often completes many tasks independently without my husband or me being there. Without him, we would be lost. My brother is also always on site after work when help is needed, and my mother takes care of catering and so on. Under these circumstances, I cannot say that doing some of the work ourselves is not worthwhile:

- Cladding the eaves box: The material, cut to size, was delivered by the carpenter. The rest was done by ourselves, including painting, installing the substructure, closing the eaves box, filling joints, and painting again. Time required: about 20-25 hours. Costs: only the material plus an invitation to a meal for the helpers. Savings: approximately 900 €. Duration: We took 5 days from start to finish, though we did not work every day or full days each time. Number of helpers: only my husband and I for painting, my father for filling joints, and four people for installing the substructures.

- Installing interior window sills: The pre-cut window sills, measured to size, were delivered. My father installed them alone in just a few hours on one day while my husband and I were at work. Time required: approximately 4-6 hours, I cannot say exactly because I was not there. Costs: only the material plus a meal invitation for my hardworking father. Savings: I cannot specify exactly since we had no quote for professional installation, but probably in the low to mid three-figure range.

- Installing the side entrance door: My husband and my father installed this together (my father also used to do this professionally). Time required: I do not remember exactly, about 1-2 hours. Costs: only the material. Savings: I also cannot specify exactly, estimated around 150 - 200 €.

- Drywall: We are currently still working on this. Materials were sourced from a specialist supplier. In our case, the entire ceiling of the upper floor needs insulation, etc. (detached house). Start: Last Sunday. Today, after 6 days, two-thirds of the work is done. We have not worked every day. Sunday about 8 hours, Monday about 8 hours, Tuesday none, Wednesday 6-7 hours, Thursday 4 hours. Cutting and installing the insulation was mostly done by my father alone during midday; in the afternoons/evenings, my father, brother, husband, and I installed the vapor barrier, taped it, and fixed the battens together. The above times include the periods when my father was working alone. Planned time until the interior plasterer comes is until the end of next week. We will probably be finished by this weekend. Total duration from start to finish then: exactly one week. Depending on how much we do this weekend, it could be 2-3 days longer. Costs: only the material plus catering for the helpers and lots of gratitude. Savings: Our architect estimated labor cost savings of 4000 € for the entire drywall work (including installing gypsum boards). I do not know how realistic this is.

I must say that without my father, things would have looked very different. He really puts in a lot of work. He does the majority of the work and enjoys doing it for us. He has always been very helpful. My brother as well, as is my mother (who cannot help much physically for health reasons). I know I can rely on my family. That is why we are doing it this way. Without my family, we probably wouldn’t have dared to do so much work ourselves. I know I can count on my family and that they would devote every free minute if needed. Of course, not over months—that is clear. But for specific phases now and then. This works well for us since we are only doing selected trades ourselves, which are not tightly scheduled one after another. We would not have done this for a complete interior fit-out; I wouldn’t have asked that of my family!

We have not involved any friends. That felt too risky for me. For me, that’s different. You have a very different relationship with family—at least in our case. We didn’t ask any friends at all. We prefer to keep them completely out of it, at least for the work done so far. Later, when it comes to laying floors and painting, and there is no “time pressure” (from waiting for other trades), they can be happy to help sometimes if they want to (some have already offered their help). Sometimes! Not all the time!

Also, we did not need to ask my family. That wasn’t necessary. They just showed up at the construction site and pitched in. No asking needed.

As I said: This is a personal experience report. Doing work yourself MUST be well considered, I agree. Anyone who does not have the “right” environment of dedicated helpers with flexible time should probably not do it, I agree. I also agree that you should not automatically rely on helpers having time or motivation all the time, and that doing work yourself can become a long process. It depends on the individual case.

I like your family connection.

A quick introduction: 2 brothers and 1 sister, all in relationships and without children. Parents are both early retirees.

No help, zero, none at all.

It can also work the other way around.

Off Topic:

I know I’m very fortunate in this regard. My parents and my brother are simply wonderful and always there for me (just as I am for them). Not just when it comes to help with building our house.

On my husband’s side, though, there is little to no help. Of course, no one is obligated to help. Still, it’s a pity. There is also no interest at all in the house or in us, which I find more disappointing. Neither during the house construction, nor the wedding, or any other time. No help. No interest. Never. You can’t change that. Some families are like that, and there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with it. I just don’t know it any other way and don’t want it to be like that. And I feel sorry for my husband. He sees everything MY family does for us and even for him as an individual. And then he sees that nothing comes from his family, not even interest. That does make him sad sometimes.

It’s always a factor in the calculation, especially when the bank, as is often the case, includes €20,000 of personal contribution in the loan. They assume about €50 per hour for helper work, which is saved compared to hiring a professional company. That adds up to 400 hours, which you have to break down for the bank to account for the €20,000.

I don’t chase anyone down; although we’re doing a lot ourselves on our purchased older house, we don’t do everything. Windows, the roof, and electrical work are each done by specialized companies.

The electrician said during the measurement phase (complete rewiring, 3 floors with 60m² (650 sq ft) each) that if possible, we should handle the old wiring, channels, and new wiring ourselves to save high costs. In the quote later, these tasks only made up €1,700 of the €11,000 total (!) because the electrician company plans to send 2 apprentices to do this work. If it would have been €5,000 or more, there’d be no question, but since it’s not...

The interior finishing, tiling, wall plastering, drywall, for example, is done by a Polish craftsman for us, who has already done excellent work several times for friends. He is skilled and affordable, and also works with invoices.

Before I try drywall myself, since I’m not experienced, I’d rather have someone who knows what they’re doing handle it and be three times faster. Also, I don’t want to look at uneven walls or crooked tile joints for 30 years...

What I can do: lay water pipes, build bathrooms (without tiles), install interior doors if needed, wallpaper, and paint. If it really makes sense around the start of renovation (from about October) to lay electrical wiring myself (without connection) and install switches, then I’ll do that, too.

I’m 45 years old, and we got the house cheaply by chance through family. Before that, we had basically shelved the idea of homeownership. We also need to see how much time we can dedicate to work on the house alongside our main jobs. The construction financing has enough leeway and is calculated as if almost everything would be done by companies.

As for help from friends and family: whoever comes is welcome to help, but we won’t beg for it...

PS: @Elina, are you sure your relationship will survive the renovation? It doesn’t sound like your husband is much help. Sorry if I’m reading too much into this...

I would like to briefly share my experiences.

The few helpers from my family had extensive practical skills, so together we managed tasks that I either wouldn’t have done alone or would have done poorly.

Especially for the painting work, we had numerous friends who supported us one to two times each on various weekends. The conclusion here is somewhat sobering. While my wife and I usually spent 10-12 hours on the construction site, the helpers often lost interest after just 3-4 hours. My expectations (and the promises from the helpers) had been much higher. Unfortunately, the friends, like me, were complete amateurs, so the quality of the work can be described as quite mediocre. The main tasks were masking, priming, and painting. Surfaces were patchy, some areas were messy with paint, leaving splatters on walls, ceilings, and floors. Masking was done poorly and required rework. Sometimes too much paint was applied (resulting in unattractive textures), sometimes too little (leading to uneven coverage), etc. In the end, I was so occupied with giving work instructions, cleaning up messes, redoing work, providing food, and so on, that the added value from having friends help was much lower than expected.

Maybe I am a bit too picky in some areas, but the goal is for the house to look nice. I always think that I would put in the same effort to achieve the best result if I were doing work at their place.

Ultimately, of course, I am glad we didn’t have to do everything alone, so we could enjoy physical relief and some social time. However, my expectations were set far too high. In terms of stamina, speed, quality, and reliability, you can’t expect others to be like yourself, and any help from friends should be seen as a “nice-to-have.”