Hello everyone,
Today, I want to look at the topic of help from family, friends, and acquaintances from a different perspective.
A good friend and teammate from our football team recently bought a house and is now renovating most of it himself. Although I work in an office job, I consider myself a fairly skilled craftsman, so I have offered my help to him several times.
Recently, he accepted my offer and asked me and another friend to help with the drywall work. The task was simply to finish the newly built dormers in two rooms with drywall panels and prepare them for wallpapering.
Here is how it went:
After two weeks of work, only one room will be finished.
Conclusion / Self-reflection:
I have offered my help multiple times and am glad to assist when I can. Still, as a helper, I can’t drop everything; I have hobbies, family, and a job, too. Therefore, I can’t always help and – even though I’m a skilled craftsman – I need much more time than a professional, who probably would have finished filling and sanding all the rooms in three days.
What I want to say is:
Don’t overestimate the help you get from family, friends, and acquaintances. After work, progress is much slower, even when skilled people are involved. Also, helpers won’t keep doing it forever.
I hope my post helps some of you better understand this topic.
Today, I want to look at the topic of help from family, friends, and acquaintances from a different perspective.
A good friend and teammate from our football team recently bought a house and is now renovating most of it himself. Although I work in an office job, I consider myself a fairly skilled craftsman, so I have offered my help to him several times.
Recently, he accepted my offer and asked me and another friend to help with the drywall work. The task was simply to finish the newly built dormers in two rooms with drywall panels and prepare them for wallpapering.
Here is how it went:
- Saturday 12:30 PM - 6:30 PM: We were there for the first time on Saturday. Unfortunately, the carpenters hadn’t done a good job, so we first had to build a complete substructure. Everything took a bit longer because we didn’t have all the necessary tools with us, and the delicious refreshments took up quite a bit of time.
- Sunday: Football
- Monday 5:15 PM - 8:00 PM: First, we went to the local building materials supplier to get the needed materials. Afterwards, we managed to finish one side wall.
- Tuesday: It’s not worth starting between the end of work and football training. Besides, my wife also wants to see me sometimes.
- Wednesday: Unfortunately, I’m away on work until late at night.
- Thursday: We will probably manage the other side wall and the front wall.
- Friday: It’s not worth starting between the end of work and football training. Also ...
- Saturday: In the morning, we hope to finish the ceiling and be able to do the first filling. If the weather is dry, I will probably have to cancel and go chopping wood with my father (which I promised some time ago). In the afternoon, there are football and a birthday planned.
- Sunday: Rest day ... my wife is happy about that.
- Monday: The plan is sanding and filling again (unless I still need to catch up on Saturday’s work).
- ...
After two weeks of work, only one room will be finished.
Conclusion / Self-reflection:
I have offered my help multiple times and am glad to assist when I can. Still, as a helper, I can’t drop everything; I have hobbies, family, and a job, too. Therefore, I can’t always help and – even though I’m a skilled craftsman – I need much more time than a professional, who probably would have finished filling and sanding all the rooms in three days.
What I want to say is:
Don’t overestimate the help you get from family, friends, and acquaintances. After work, progress is much slower, even when skilled people are involved. Also, helpers won’t keep doing it forever.
I hope my post helps some of you better understand this topic.
H
HilfeHilfe6 Sep 2017 07:20That's just how it is with "do it yourself." Thanks for the honest words.
Winniefred6 Sep 2017 07:30We are now about 12 out of 14 weeks into our old building renovation and can still say that we have hardworking helpers. On weekends, at least one of the two days always has a helper for several hours, and often for the whole day. That is really valuable. Many heavy tasks simply require two people, but one of us always has to look after the children. It is a real blessing when a friend comes and helps with installing the large windows. And if we do have someone watching the children, a third and fourth helper is of course still welcome to speed things up.
We always provide coffee, lunch, and drinks, and often cake in the afternoon; you have to keep people motivated.
We still handle it by rarely actively asking for help and prefer to see who comes on their own, and that works quite well. Those who do come to help WANT to help and really put in the effort. I think pushing people only makes them less likely to come more often. We had expected more help from some, but that’s just how it is.
We always provide coffee, lunch, and drinks, and often cake in the afternoon; you have to keep people motivated.
We still handle it by rarely actively asking for help and prefer to see who comes on their own, and that works quite well. Those who do come to help WANT to help and really put in the effort. I think pushing people only makes them less likely to come more often. We had expected more help from some, but that’s just how it is.
Winniefred6 Sep 2017 07:39And by the way, apart from my father, who is quite skilled at wallpapering, our helpers all have no construction experience. However, they were assigned tasks that require no prior knowledge or are very simple and quick to learn. Of course, no one was assigned to plastering, drywall work, or anything like that. But every little bit helps, and we are grateful for every half hour of assistance. If an acrylic sealant joint is done here and there, that’s great.
Lanini schrieb:
Off topic:
I know I’m very lucky in this regard. My parents and brother are simply great and always there for me (just as I am for them). Not only when it comes to help with building the house.
On my husband’s side, however, there is little to no help. And that’s okay, no one HAS to help. Still, it’s a pity. There is simply no interest in the house or in us, and I find that “worse.” Not during the house construction, not at the wedding, or at any other time. No help. No interest. Never. You can’t change that. Some families are just like that, and fundamentally, there’s nothing wrong with it. I just don’t know it any other way, and I don’t want it that way. And I feel sorry for my husband. He sees what MY family does for us and also for him as an individual, and then he sees that nothing comes from his family, not even interest. Sometimes that makes him sad.Your description isn’t that off topic after all. Without interest and support from family, it’s impossible to contribute much yourself.
On my wife’s side there is no interest either; even when it comes to scheduling, no one listens, and none of them will help. Strangely, it worked two years ago with her sisters. They managed to free up weekends and so on. But in our case, it’s always “you’ll manage that yourselves.” Unfortunately, this also applies to the children. And then, unbelievably, we’re asked if we are even planning a guest room. My wife suffers a lot from this unfairness and sees that my parents really want to help and would even be willing to live with us for several weeks (at least my father) to act as “construction manager, painter, wallpaperer, and floor installer.”
P.S. We planned without a guest room.
H
HilfeHilfe6 Sep 2017 10:06Zaba12 schrieb:
Your description isn’t that off-topic after all.
Without interest and support from family, it’s impossible to contribute your own work.
On my wife’s side, there is no interest at all; they don’t even listen when it comes to scheduling, and no one is willing to help. Strangely, it worked with her sisters two years ago—weekends were cleared, and so on. With us, it’s just “you’ll manage.” Unfortunately, this attitude also extends to the children. Then, to add insult to injury, we’re even asked if we planned for a guest room. My wife suffers a lot from this unfairness and sees that my parents definitely want to help and would even be willing to live with us for several weeks (at least my father) to act as “construction manager, painter, wallpaper installer, and flooring fitter.”
P.S. We planned the house without a guest room.I know that feeling!
There aren’t many family members left at our age. My parents are deceased, their parents either passed away or are in care homes. Some siblings live quite far away. But I have a brother who is a master painter. Together with a journeyman, he and I plastered, painted, wallpapered, and installed the flooring in the house. It took about 120 hours in total. I paid him—not excessively, but fairly—because that’s how we’ve always done it. Helping out, yes, but not everything for free. That’s fair. There are friends who occasionally lend a hand, like mounting a few lamps or taking something to the waste disposal site. Apart from that, we carefully calculated everything with contractors, and that’s the best approach. If doing some work ourselves saves money, fine; if not, that’s fine too. Karsten
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