ᐅ Psychology of Buying / Overcoming Obstacles

It reads as if the desire for homeownership is definitely there. The fear or concern is actually a positive thing, since it has prevented many from making major mistakes that they later try to justify to themselves.

For me, being a "lone wolf" doesn’t have a negative meaning; I notice that my need for peace and seclusion has changed over time.
We used to have a house, then a nice condominium, but somehow I still miss being able to step out onto a patch of grass from the apartment, having a small fire in the garden, and all the things you simply can’t do on a large rooftop terrace.
That’s why it’s going to be a house for two now.
We didn’t want classic new housing developments anymore, but the more we looked for the perfect all-in-one solution, the more we overlooked other important factors.
So, in the end, it’s a small development again, but we’re at the very end with a view of open land. On the front side, we can “shield off” our space, which doesn’t mean we don’t like people, but privacy is absolutely important to me.
Before that, we were about to sign for a project with four units, but fortunately, our wish for complete privacy stopped us. The fact that such a plot is often a bit further out has never bothered me because I absolutely need to feel comfortable in and around the house. I’m willing to pay that “price” again now.
For me, it’s about appreciating the people I build the house with, and then I don’t really care how exactly they do it, since the quality standards today are very high anyway.
After finding what seems to be a competent and friendly general contractor, it was clear that we would build with him. It doesn’t matter whether it’s stone or wooden construction—we’re building with this man and following his recommendations! From the start, we made it clear that we want to plan calmly and might want to make adjustments to the plans more often—no problem.
Maybe you should pay close attention to your privacy and peace of mind, which is why, for me, an apartment building or condominium would be out of the question—people change...
Once you have your own, possibly smaller house on a site that suits you, you can gradually adapt it to your needs again.
If you find a plot and a down-to-earth company with whom you genuinely connect on a personal level, then let them build the house the way they recommend. Ultimately, your happiness probably depends more on some calculated extras. You can change almost everything—except your plot of land!
Buying an existing single-family home would, of course, also be a good option; however, we didn’t find anything we liked.

I don’t have much time right now, but I wanted to thank you for your responses so far! The posts have given me a lot to think about. I’ll write a more detailed message this evening.

hampshire schrieb:

Here too, it helps to stay calm and assume that no offer is unique. Have the confidence to say: "I really like the property. However, I never make an immediate decision. I need 5 days to decide. With me, you have a reliable buyer without any later financing issues – which you often hear about from stressed sellers*. Let's take our time, and everything will work out."
*Sometimes acknowledging a bit of doubt is very helpful.
Politely but firmly decline under pressure.

I can only recommend this approach. Whether it's buying a kitchen, planning the floor plan, or anything else. As soon as someone pressures me, I immediately and permanently back out.
It is absolutely important to me who I am doing the project with.
Ideally, it should even be fun for the construction company to build your house because the house or you are different from how they supposedly expect.
I could never build a house with someone I don’t like; it may sound strange, but it’s true. Then I tend to even smile when I notice one or another defect because I know that the mishap simply happened to them.
As long as you stay truly flexible and open-minded, there is no single dream house; if one option doesn’t work out, another will, and you can always make something great out of it yourself.

Unsure schrieb:

Maybe it makes sense to first look for and buy a building plot? That way, I wouldn’t have that immediate pressure to decide? Could I then still sell the plot later, or would there be “ongoing major” costs involved?

I really like your idea. I assume it would also give you and your family a good feeling to know you own the land (as an investment) and can build whenever you want, but don’t have to.

We bought a plot last year, and the only ongoing costs are property tax (usually lower for an undeveloped plot than for a developed one) and mowing the lawn 2-3 times a year (to keep the neighbors happy). We have a company do the mowing since we don’t yet live in the area.

Once you own the plot, you can take walks whenever you feel like, visit friends and relatives to look at houses, develop ideas, clarify your wishes, dream, and gradually build up the desire for a new home or the realization of your dreams, which helps reduce fears.
In 2018, there were 15.8 million single-family homes in Germany. They are stable and secure; people like you live in them and lead normal lives. So it’s nothing special, unusual, or particularly demanding. On the way there, there may be one or two challenges, but this probably won’t be the first challenge you’ve faced in your life. Exams (graduation, driver’s license, etc.) are worse in my opinion. And the adventure of building a house is a breeze compared to the adventure of having a child.

Hello again and thank you for the new contributions.

I will push myself next week to first finalize my overall budget with a banking advisor. This will help make things more concrete before moving forward with the approach regarding the plot of land.

I think this is the main problem for me—that I can’t see the forest for the trees and I put pressure on myself where none is actually needed. This way, I can gradually work my way into the whole topic and build it up layer by layer. I already have a developer in mind who has been involved in or completed many projects in the area. Whether we personally get along remains to be seen, but I also consider that an important factor. Building a house is also a matter of trust; contracts don’t really help with that. They are ultimately the firewall once the damage is done, but should not be the motivation for wanting to build a sensible house.

I’ll keep you updated.

Exactly, one thing at a time. You have no pressure.