ᐅ Choosing a Place to Live with Your Partner – How to Reach Agreement
Created on: 6 Jan 2020 15:34
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PepeLupado
Hello everyone,
I have been a more or less silent reader here for some time now.
But now I would like to ask a question and hope that I’ve come to the right forum and that it hasn’t been asked before (at least I haven’t found anything).
How did you and your partner agree on where to move?
Did you create a list of pros and cons?
A little about us and our background:
We are a married couple with one child and another on the way.
She is from a small town with 7,610 inhabitants and I come from a small village with a total of 8,100 inhabitants. Both places are about 13 m (8 miles) apart.
Kindergarten, primary school, and corner shop are close by in both places.
In the village, stores like Lidl are about 4 km (2.5 miles) away.
I love the peace and quiet and the closer connection to nature there, but she thinks it would be too quiet. It’s often the case that people want to live where they grew up.
I would appreciate any suggestions and opinions.
I have been a more or less silent reader here for some time now.
But now I would like to ask a question and hope that I’ve come to the right forum and that it hasn’t been asked before (at least I haven’t found anything).
How did you and your partner agree on where to move?
Did you create a list of pros and cons?
A little about us and our background:
We are a married couple with one child and another on the way.
She is from a small town with 7,610 inhabitants and I come from a small village with a total of 8,100 inhabitants. Both places are about 13 m (8 miles) apart.
Kindergarten, primary school, and corner shop are close by in both places.
In the village, stores like Lidl are about 4 km (2.5 miles) away.
I love the peace and quiet and the closer connection to nature there, but she thinks it would be too quiet. It’s often the case that people want to live where they grew up.
I would appreciate any suggestions and opinions.
PepeLupado6 Jan 2020 16:41Hello,
Thank you very much for all your perspectives.
The financial aspect in this specific case means a difference of about 70,000€ (land cost is half as much + child benefit for homebuyers, which might still be available).
Secondary schools would always be accessible by bus during school time. There are no other public transportation options in that area. However, I assume this is not very relevant at first since we would have to drive them around anyway (my wife has always been quite cautious about this).
Finding something suitable is actually quite difficult. In the area where she wants to live, it is always said by word of mouth that something is supposed to come up. However, the city does not officially confirm anything, and in this case, it would not be certain to obtain something.
In this particular case, we have already selected a property and ultimately need to decide within about four weeks whether we want it or not.
Thank you very much for all your perspectives.
The financial aspect in this specific case means a difference of about 70,000€ (land cost is half as much + child benefit for homebuyers, which might still be available).
Secondary schools would always be accessible by bus during school time. There are no other public transportation options in that area. However, I assume this is not very relevant at first since we would have to drive them around anyway (my wife has always been quite cautious about this).
Finding something suitable is actually quite difficult. In the area where she wants to live, it is always said by word of mouth that something is supposed to come up. However, the city does not officially confirm anything, and in this case, it would not be certain to obtain something.
In this particular case, we have already selected a property and ultimately need to decide within about four weeks whether we want it or not.
You can create a list of pros and cons, but it only makes sense if you also prioritize them. Consider what is truly important to you in your daily life.
For example, having a dentist nearby could be a "pro," but if you rarely visit, the distance might not really matter. A shopping option accessible only by car could be a "con," but for well-organized people who shop only every two weeks, this might still be acceptable.
Taking the bus to a secondary school seems fairly normal, although the travel time is also important. As a child, having to get up 40 minutes earlier every morning to allow for the commute can be very stressful, but on the other hand, it usually only affects a limited period of time.
For example, having a dentist nearby could be a "pro," but if you rarely visit, the distance might not really matter. A shopping option accessible only by car could be a "con," but for well-organized people who shop only every two weeks, this might still be acceptable.
Taking the bus to a secondary school seems fairly normal, although the travel time is also important. As a child, having to get up 40 minutes earlier every morning to allow for the commute can be very stressful, but on the other hand, it usually only affects a limited period of time.
H
HilfeHilfe6 Jan 2020 17:51We moved out of the big city (Frankfurt) and into a small town. Now at least the neighbors know us.
We were in a similar situation, just much more rural. Prices for land were ridiculously low, up to 100 euros in the two possible regional centers. My wife has a civil servant job, and I work in IT. Our decision was ultimately pragmatic, and we are very satisfied with it. In the end, each of you needs to find your own priorities and decide which compromises you are willing to make.
Our decision process went roughly like this:
We didn’t want to have to move again in five years or more because of our three small children.
Due to school vacations, it was clear we were looking in the state of Hesse. Everyday essentials had to be available locally, and close to a highway as well. I would have liked to have a train station nearby, which we had within walking distance in our last rental apartment. That was great, but unfortunately didn’t work out this time. Internet also had to be decent (50 Mbit/s or more). Various places in the area were unacceptable to both of us due to certain “environmentally harmful” industries and also the attitude of their residents.
Now we live in a great new residential area in a village of about 2,000 inhabitants and have everything we need, including two supermarkets, a butcher, bakery, pharmacy, doctors, an elementary school within walking distance, fiber-optic internet in the house, and the highway right at the doorstep. You just can’t do without a car here.
PS: A population of 70,000 is definitely not a small town.
PPS: If I write any more, I might as well add a geotag here.
Our decision process went roughly like this:
We didn’t want to have to move again in five years or more because of our three small children.
Due to school vacations, it was clear we were looking in the state of Hesse. Everyday essentials had to be available locally, and close to a highway as well. I would have liked to have a train station nearby, which we had within walking distance in our last rental apartment. That was great, but unfortunately didn’t work out this time. Internet also had to be decent (50 Mbit/s or more). Various places in the area were unacceptable to both of us due to certain “environmentally harmful” industries and also the attitude of their residents.
Now we live in a great new residential area in a village of about 2,000 inhabitants and have everything we need, including two supermarkets, a butcher, bakery, pharmacy, doctors, an elementary school within walking distance, fiber-optic internet in the house, and the highway right at the doorstep. You just can’t do without a car here.
PS: A population of 70,000 is definitely not a small town.
PPS: If I write any more, I might as well add a geotag here.
We didn’t make a pros and cons list. We have never done that before.
Although we are both stubborn and only children, reason prevails. One of us goes along with an idea or discovery. Of course, feasibility is always considered, especially regarding the workplace and so on. However, it must be said that affordable plots of land are not exactly abundant in our area. We met somewhere near the middle. I didn’t want to move to the town where I grew up or where my parents still live.
If it’s 13 km (8 miles) for you, in my opinion, there shouldn’t be any conflict about the location; it’s really not a long distance, not even to your hometown. Ultimately, these are neighboring communities that are surely interconnected in some way.
Although we are both stubborn and only children, reason prevails. One of us goes along with an idea or discovery. Of course, feasibility is always considered, especially regarding the workplace and so on. However, it must be said that affordable plots of land are not exactly abundant in our area. We met somewhere near the middle. I didn’t want to move to the town where I grew up or where my parents still live.
If it’s 13 km (8 miles) for you, in my opinion, there shouldn’t be any conflict about the location; it’s really not a long distance, not even to your hometown. Ultimately, these are neighboring communities that are surely interconnected in some way.