ᐅ Floor plan design shortly before submitting the building permit application

ypg schrieb:
What matters is sharing a six-pack or a 2014 vintage under your arm because you spend free time together and may rely on each other during vacations or in old age.

We choose our friends based on mutual liking, not on the location of their house. I simply don’t like when the first conversations immediately focus on what at least three other neighbors are doing “wrong” or “strangely.” In general, I dislike a know-it-all attitude. And I won’t give the impression I approve of it by acting overly friendly. Being very clear about my opinion on this probably doesn’t help either.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want any trouble. But there is a difference between respectful coexistence and friendship.

ypg schrieb:
Well, for some people "have a nice day" might be the same as "best regards."
My girlfriend, who has a rather dry sense of humor, always writes it that way [emoji4]

I agree with you, from a distance it is naturally difficult to assess and interpret because many layers of communication (facial expressions, behavior, tone of voice, etc.) are missing here. You can easily get it completely wrong, and a "have a nice day" might actually be meant exactly as you describe it.

As the neighbor writing the message, I would have been a bit more explicit and probably added "I wish you" before "a nice day"—or simply used "best regards" to avoid misunderstandings. But you're right, with enough negative mindset, it can also be misunderstood. Since Hotzenplotz has gotten to know the neighbor a bit differently, he's probably best qualified to judge.

There are always two options—something you can clearly see in our discussion here. Anyway..., [emoji2]

I fully agree with you here as well. That’s why I wrote under point 2 that I would first try to find out what the real issue is, in order to rebuild a good foundation for a positive neighborhood relationship. If I didn’t write that exactly, it was implied by the order. [emoji6]

Using a buddy-like approach wouldn’t be my first choice either because that suggests a closeness that isn’t there (yet) and would feel like acting for me. I would find that disrespectful and expect to keep some distance toward people who put on a show—that could be counterproductive here.

Maybe by "buddy-like" you meant something I would consider "casual and normal," as opposed to "stiff and formal," which in my opinion can quickly come across as patronizing and arrogant. I would simply speak with him normally, using plain language, and try to listen carefully to find out what the real problem is. That would be my approach, knowing there is also a Type 3 personality. But clearly, assuming the other person doesn’t mean any harm usually gets you the farthest in many cases—although not in all.

R.Hotzenplotz schrieb:
...
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not looking for trouble. But there is a difference between respectful interaction and friendship.

You are right. There is a huge difference.

However, if you are as formally correct as you seem to be, you shouldn’t be surprised if the other person responds in the same way.

ypg schrieb:
But if you are as formally correct as you apparently are, you shouldn’t be surprised if the other person behaves the same way.

However, being formal is not the same as being pedantic. Those are two different things. I don’t know exactly what you mean by formal—apparently something with a negative connotation. By formal, I mean treating people in a friendly, polite, and respectful manner without having to treat them like a close friend or use first names. By formal, I don’t mean inviting someone to a forced, overly serious meeting at the dining table at exactly 6 pm (18:00) to clarify neighborhood issues and then promptly showing them the door once the matter is resolved.

ruppsn schrieb:
I agree with you, it’s naturally difficult to judge and assess from a distance, since you miss many layers of communication here (facial expressions, behavior, tone of voice, etc.). You can easily get it completely wrong, and a “have a nice day” might really have been meant just as you described.

As a neighbor sending a message, I would probably be a bit more explicit and say “I wish you” before “a nice day,” or just end with “best regards” to avoid misunderstandings. But yes, with enough negative attitude, even that could be misinterpreted. Since Hotzenplotz already got to know the neighbor a bit differently, he is probably best placed to judge.

I also fully agree with you here. That’s why I wrote under point 2. that I would first try to find out where the real issue lies, to create a good foundation for restoring a good neighborly relationship. If I didn’t write that clearly, it was implied by the order of what I said. [emoji6]

Using a buddy-like tone wouldn’t be my first choice either, since that would suggest a closeness that (so far) doesn’t exist and would feel like acting to me. I would find that disrespectful, and I tend to keep some distance toward people who are putting on an act—which might be counterproductive here.

Maybe by “buddy-like” you meant something I would describe as “casual and normal,” as opposed to the “stiff and formal,” which in my opinion can quickly come across as patronizing and arrogant. I would simply talk to him in a friendly, plain, everyday way and try to listen carefully to find out where the real problem is. That would be my approach, knowing that there might also be a type (3). But clearly, assuming from the start that the other person means no harm helps in many cases, though not all.

Yes, “casual and normal” is a better description. I could have chosen my words more carefully [emoji4] For me, neighbors are people I don’t have to be friends with, but who live closest to me locally, and over a long period. You can’t easily avoid them, unlike relatives, for example.

They are the ones I might see every day, and that within my private property. They are also the ones who have me as their neighbor.

They are the ones who might accept my packages, take out the trash bins while I’m on vacation, possibly help clear snow from my section of the street. Just examples... for instance, they will also be the ones who overhear any disputes on the terrace. In that case, I would expect discretion.

Well, everyone has to decide for themselves how they handle their neighbors. I’m curious to see how this develops.

Whenever I read something like this, I’m glad to live in a rural residential area with only one immediate neighbor.

For us, it’s “like family” (we are the third generation here and they are the second) and good friends at the same time, and especially here, you rely on that.

Besides the farms around here, there is a regular neighborhood within a 12km (7.5 miles) radius. Even though not everyone knows each other well or sometimes there might be someone you don’t get along with, it still works because everyone makes an effort. And everyone knows they can count on each other to be reliable, in every respect.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you will ever have a truly harmonious neighborhood, and personally, I think that’s a shame.