Hello dear forum community,
We want to build a house in the northern part of Berlin or Brandenburg and have found a really beautiful plot of land. It is 2000 m2 (approximately 21500 sq ft) with forest and garden, of which 1000 m2 (approximately 10750 sq ft) is designated as building land. However, land is so expensive there that we are considering developing this property together with my parents.
We get along well with my parents, and my wife has no objections either. There would be financial advantages in sharing costs for heating, garden maintenance, carport, purchase price, and much more. Additionally, there are softer benefits related to babysitting, organizing daily life, and so on.
My parents live in a region in Saxony-Anhalt that is slowly depopulating, and they are probably already thinking about the support they might need in 20 years when they are in their late 70s.
However, being close to my parents could also be challenging. Is there anyone here who has done something similar?
What are your experiences? Can something like this work well?
We want to build a house in the northern part of Berlin or Brandenburg and have found a really beautiful plot of land. It is 2000 m2 (approximately 21500 sq ft) with forest and garden, of which 1000 m2 (approximately 10750 sq ft) is designated as building land. However, land is so expensive there that we are considering developing this property together with my parents.
We get along well with my parents, and my wife has no objections either. There would be financial advantages in sharing costs for heating, garden maintenance, carport, purchase price, and much more. Additionally, there are softer benefits related to babysitting, organizing daily life, and so on.
My parents live in a region in Saxony-Anhalt that is slowly depopulating, and they are probably already thinking about the support they might need in 20 years when they are in their late 70s.
However, being close to my parents could also be challenging. Is there anyone here who has done something similar?
What are your experiences? Can something like this work well?
My uncle lives on my grandparents’ property. As far as I can tell, things are going well there. My mother (and I as well) would never have wanted to build there, no matter what. I love my grandparents dearly, but for them, the land is managed collectively. So, no “my part” or “your part.”
My best friend lived almost like in one house with her parents and grandparents. That seemed to work really well.
I would never voluntarily want to build next to my parents or parents-in-law. Yes, the babysitting factor should not be underestimated. But that only makes things easier for about the first 10 years. After that, it drastically decreases, and you might end up stuck with grumpy, senile elderly relatives.
Especially since you have no idea how living directly together with them works, I would personally advise against it.
My best friend lived almost like in one house with her parents and grandparents. That seemed to work really well.
I would never voluntarily want to build next to my parents or parents-in-law. Yes, the babysitting factor should not be underestimated. But that only makes things easier for about the first 10 years. After that, it drastically decreases, and you might end up stuck with grumpy, senile elderly relatives.
Especially since you have no idea how living directly together with them works, I would personally advise against it.
My mother-in-law lives next door. That means the two properties are right next to each other, forming roughly a triangle. In one corner is her house, in the other ours. Between them are her garage, fence, and a shed (which is very practical: it’s just one shed sitting right on the property line—the fence basically runs through the middle). Behind that is the vegetable garden, open and without a fence.
That arrangement works well. Each of us has a private, secluded terrace and garden. My mother-in-law is retired and enjoys helping out in the garden, enthusiastically weeding and assisting with our renovation. Granted, she sometimes drives us a bit crazy with her tidiness obsession ^^ (her favorite pastime: collecting buckets and storing them in the attic).
One more thing: although she has a key to our house for emergencies (and we have one for hers), she would NEVER misuse it. She never just comes into the house unannounced or shows up at the door wanting to come in for coffee, etc. I think that’s very important.
But I really think the most important thing is the relationship between us. It wouldn’t work with my own parents—they would be hanging around all day. My mother-in-law, however, has her own life, friends, clubs, and hobbies—she simply doesn’t have enough time to be constantly around us 🙂 How things will be if she ever needs care is still uncertain. But I’m confident we will manage that as well.
That arrangement works well. Each of us has a private, secluded terrace and garden. My mother-in-law is retired and enjoys helping out in the garden, enthusiastically weeding and assisting with our renovation. Granted, she sometimes drives us a bit crazy with her tidiness obsession ^^ (her favorite pastime: collecting buckets and storing them in the attic).
One more thing: although she has a key to our house for emergencies (and we have one for hers), she would NEVER misuse it. She never just comes into the house unannounced or shows up at the door wanting to come in for coffee, etc. I think that’s very important.
But I really think the most important thing is the relationship between us. It wouldn’t work with my own parents—they would be hanging around all day. My mother-in-law, however, has her own life, friends, clubs, and hobbies—she simply doesn’t have enough time to be constantly around us 🙂 How things will be if she ever needs care is still uncertain. But I’m confident we will manage that as well.
I would suggest spending the next two-week vacation together with your partner at your parents' place. There, you might notice whether everyone has to have breakfast at 8 a.m. every day, if there might be some tears when you prefer to have brunch just the two of you, and so on.
T
toxicmolotof11 Apr 2018 22:27Understood. You did nothing wrong (which doesn’t mean it was the right decision).
Similar topics