ᐅ Building a House in Your “Old Home” Near Family or for Work?
Created on: 17 May 2018 12:01
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Nina1987
Hello everyone,
Unfortunately, this has turned out to be quite a long text, and I apologize for that in advance. However, I would still be grateful if someone could respond and give me a tip or two.
My husband and I have finally found and purchased a plot of land after a long search, which we really like in terms of location and the entire new development area. We currently live in a semi-detached house in a very rural setting and feel comfortable. This new development is neither in a village nor in a big city. It’s a nice middle ground.
Originally, we both come from a small town/village area about 100 km (62 miles) away near Göttingen. Back then, we didn’t like it very much, so we moved to the city for work, where we felt very comfortable. However, thanks to our two sons, we moved back to a village near Hanover, so the city is still not far away.
Now here comes the tricky part. My husband’s brother has purchased a house in our old home region, and our nieces, parents, cousins, and friends also still live there. His wife is not very enthusiastic about the rural life and proximity to family. I have tried to explain to her how wonderful it can be to be close to family. I would love it and would enjoy it if the cousins could play together and grow up alongside each other.
Our job prospects in this region might get a little worse—emphasize might—, but it’s not certain. I, who originally never wanted to move back to this region, am now getting cold feet with the new plot and am wondering if it might be more sensible to go back to the old home area. This is a bit late to be reconsidering since the plot is already bought (notarized) and the construction contract has been signed for 1.5 months.
Does anyone here have any advice on my thoughts? Should we simply take the step to move back to the old home region, or is it generally impossible to get out of everything once the contract is signed? Could the construction contract be transferred to a new plot in the home region to build a house there?
How did you decide on your permanent residence? What criteria did you set for yourselves?
Unfortunately, this has turned out to be quite a long text, and I apologize for that in advance. However, I would still be grateful if someone could respond and give me a tip or two.
My husband and I have finally found and purchased a plot of land after a long search, which we really like in terms of location and the entire new development area. We currently live in a semi-detached house in a very rural setting and feel comfortable. This new development is neither in a village nor in a big city. It’s a nice middle ground.
Originally, we both come from a small town/village area about 100 km (62 miles) away near Göttingen. Back then, we didn’t like it very much, so we moved to the city for work, where we felt very comfortable. However, thanks to our two sons, we moved back to a village near Hanover, so the city is still not far away.
Now here comes the tricky part. My husband’s brother has purchased a house in our old home region, and our nieces, parents, cousins, and friends also still live there. His wife is not very enthusiastic about the rural life and proximity to family. I have tried to explain to her how wonderful it can be to be close to family. I would love it and would enjoy it if the cousins could play together and grow up alongside each other.
Our job prospects in this region might get a little worse—emphasize might—, but it’s not certain. I, who originally never wanted to move back to this region, am now getting cold feet with the new plot and am wondering if it might be more sensible to go back to the old home area. This is a bit late to be reconsidering since the plot is already bought (notarized) and the construction contract has been signed for 1.5 months.
Does anyone here have any advice on my thoughts? Should we simply take the step to move back to the old home region, or is it generally impossible to get out of everything once the contract is signed? Could the construction contract be transferred to a new plot in the home region to build a house there?
How did you decide on your permanent residence? What criteria did you set for yourselves?
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Bieber081517 May 2018 16:13Post #2 asks the right questions ...
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HilfeHilfe18 May 2018 07:13Funny post reminds me of us.
We moved away from work to be closer to my family. On one hand, because we got more value for the money (new build), and on the other hand, hoping that family and friends would come closer again.
We are happy, BUT I commute, which is okay, my wife no longer has a home office (not okay, she’s looking for a new job), and family/friends have scattered. Lost some friends, family is doing their own thing (we are a large extended family).
Therefore, I wouldn’t focus everything on family.
We moved away from work to be closer to my family. On one hand, because we got more value for the money (new build), and on the other hand, hoping that family and friends would come closer again.
We are happy, BUT I commute, which is okay, my wife no longer has a home office (not okay, she’s looking for a new job), and family/friends have scattered. Lost some friends, family is doing their own thing (we are a large extended family).
Therefore, I wouldn’t focus everything on family.
Nina1987 schrieb:
Originally, we both come from an area about 100 km (60 miles) away near Göttingen, from a small town/village. Back then, we didn’t really like it there and moved to a big city (for work reasons). We felt very comfortable there, but thanks to our two sons, we moved back to a village near Hanover and still have the city nearby.
Hello,
You mentioned that you didn’t like living in your village before and moved away, so why are you now considering going back? The idea that your children will play with their cousins might be your expectation, but that doesn’t have to be the case at all. We also lived in the same town as my aunt. My brother never played with his cousin of the same age (only during family gatherings); they had different groups of friends. Children and teenagers choose their own friends, so it’s not automatic that they will be close with relatives, and friendships can change quickly. I would be more concerned about what happens when the children grow older. Are there enough opportunities in the village for them to go out? Can they study or do vocational training nearby? Where are the secondary schools? Otherwise, it often happens that people get “stuck” in the village and the children move away to find better opportunities. If you live in a more central location, the chances are much higher that children might stay nearby later on, compared to living somewhere very remote. A distance of 100 km (60 miles) isn’t so far that you could only see each other once a year. You also wrote that you searched for this property for a long time, so I wouldn’t let that opportunity go so easily.
Best regards,
Sabine
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HilfeHilfe18 May 2018 08:58Well, and the sister-in-law isn’t exactly enthusiastic about country living either^^ I wonder if I’d want to listen to her complaining every day or if she’s just not interested in you guys^^
My siblings, my cousin and I have all moved away, and only my grandmother from my grandparents’ generation is still alive. So, there isn’t much left of my original family, which means I wouldn’t necessarily consider moving back.
But when I see how often other children are picked up from kindergarten by their grandparents, or how frequently grandparents step in during illnesses, I do miss that closeness to my parents. For us, it’s only 80 meters (50 miles) away, mostly highway, so the drive takes just 40–45 minutes. Still, you don’t drive 160 meters (100 miles) just to pick up a child a bit earlier. The question is, how long would you be able to enjoy that convenience?
On the other hand, I don’t like to think about what it would be like if my parents no longer could manage and no one was nearby.
In contrast, I think it’s good that the distance between my mother-in-law and us has grown. 😀
I find it very difficult to advise for or against this. When I was building my house, I had similar doubts about whether I was making the right decisions. To this day, I haven’t regretted it.
But when I see how often other children are picked up from kindergarten by their grandparents, or how frequently grandparents step in during illnesses, I do miss that closeness to my parents. For us, it’s only 80 meters (50 miles) away, mostly highway, so the drive takes just 40–45 minutes. Still, you don’t drive 160 meters (100 miles) just to pick up a child a bit earlier. The question is, how long would you be able to enjoy that convenience?
On the other hand, I don’t like to think about what it would be like if my parents no longer could manage and no one was nearby.
In contrast, I think it’s good that the distance between my mother-in-law and us has grown. 😀
I find it very difficult to advise for or against this. When I was building my house, I had similar doubts about whether I was making the right decisions. To this day, I haven’t regretted it.
Thirteen years ago, we decided to emigrate to Canada and actually lived there for 10 years. Just the two of us, with two children, far away from family and friends. Making new friends was difficult, different mentality, etc., but we loved it. In the end, however, we moved back to Germany three years ago because of family and our roots. We also faced the question of exactly where to settle—my husband wanted to live in Bavaria or Frankfurt, while I preferred somewhere near my family (central Hesse). Although I didn’t feel comfortable here at first, I’m really glad that I was able to have my way. My family lives about 30 minutes away, so I don’t have daily help, but I still have old friends here and have built more friendships in the last three years than in the ten years in Canada. The family meets regularly, but we can also do our own thing. The children play together when they see each other but otherwise have their own friends here, which is a good balance. We also consciously chose a larger community with good infrastructure so that the children will have more opportunities later on. You have consciously chosen the area where you live and have even bought a plot of land. It seems that you already like it there very much. If you have serious doubts and no longer feel comfortable, you should try to get out of the whole situation. But having family right on your doorstep isn’t always easy either. Honestly, I’m glad about the 30-minute distance 🙂