ᐅ Building a House in Your “Old Home” Near Family or for Work?
Created on: 17 May 2018 12:01
N
Nina1987Hello everyone,
Unfortunately, this has turned out to be quite a long text, and I apologize for that in advance. However, I would still be grateful if someone could respond and give me a tip or two.
My husband and I have finally found and purchased a plot of land after a long search, which we really like in terms of location and the entire new development area. We currently live in a semi-detached house in a very rural setting and feel comfortable. This new development is neither in a village nor in a big city. It’s a nice middle ground.
Originally, we both come from a small town/village area about 100 km (62 miles) away near Göttingen. Back then, we didn’t like it very much, so we moved to the city for work, where we felt very comfortable. However, thanks to our two sons, we moved back to a village near Hanover, so the city is still not far away.
Now here comes the tricky part. My husband’s brother has purchased a house in our old home region, and our nieces, parents, cousins, and friends also still live there. His wife is not very enthusiastic about the rural life and proximity to family. I have tried to explain to her how wonderful it can be to be close to family. I would love it and would enjoy it if the cousins could play together and grow up alongside each other.
Our job prospects in this region might get a little worse—emphasize might—, but it’s not certain. I, who originally never wanted to move back to this region, am now getting cold feet with the new plot and am wondering if it might be more sensible to go back to the old home area. This is a bit late to be reconsidering since the plot is already bought (notarized) and the construction contract has been signed for 1.5 months.
Does anyone here have any advice on my thoughts? Should we simply take the step to move back to the old home region, or is it generally impossible to get out of everything once the contract is signed? Could the construction contract be transferred to a new plot in the home region to build a house there?
How did you decide on your permanent residence? What criteria did you set for yourselves?
Unfortunately, this has turned out to be quite a long text, and I apologize for that in advance. However, I would still be grateful if someone could respond and give me a tip or two.
My husband and I have finally found and purchased a plot of land after a long search, which we really like in terms of location and the entire new development area. We currently live in a semi-detached house in a very rural setting and feel comfortable. This new development is neither in a village nor in a big city. It’s a nice middle ground.
Originally, we both come from a small town/village area about 100 km (62 miles) away near Göttingen. Back then, we didn’t like it very much, so we moved to the city for work, where we felt very comfortable. However, thanks to our two sons, we moved back to a village near Hanover, so the city is still not far away.
Now here comes the tricky part. My husband’s brother has purchased a house in our old home region, and our nieces, parents, cousins, and friends also still live there. His wife is not very enthusiastic about the rural life and proximity to family. I have tried to explain to her how wonderful it can be to be close to family. I would love it and would enjoy it if the cousins could play together and grow up alongside each other.
Our job prospects in this region might get a little worse—emphasize might—, but it’s not certain. I, who originally never wanted to move back to this region, am now getting cold feet with the new plot and am wondering if it might be more sensible to go back to the old home area. This is a bit late to be reconsidering since the plot is already bought (notarized) and the construction contract has been signed for 1.5 months.
Does anyone here have any advice on my thoughts? Should we simply take the step to move back to the old home region, or is it generally impossible to get out of everything once the contract is signed? Could the construction contract be transferred to a new plot in the home region to build a house there?
How did you decide on your permanent residence? What criteria did you set for yourselves?
C
chand198617 May 2018 12:44Is the work you (or rather: you all) do just a job to earn a living, or something that provides meaning and thus contributes to your quality of life? The former is easier to relocate than the latter.
Next question: What can cousins offer as playmates and peer group members that friends who aren’t related cannot? I would argue nothing. The idea that they inevitably grow up together harmoniously is a romantic notion that doesn’t have to reflect reality.
Are you you (not just you alone) really the family type who constantly visits each other, gets along well, and so on? Or are you open, able to quickly build relationships with non-relatives, and enjoy meeting new people?
You need to answer these kinds of questions before deciding whether to prioritize living close to family or to a job.
The fact that these questions seem to come up “all of a sudden” because a brother is moving suggests to me that the land purchase wasn’t actually a carefully considered decision to secure the dream property. If you were mentally certain about that, there wouldn’t be any second thoughts, sorry to say.
I can’t answer these questions for you. I can only advise against seeing cousins as more suitable playmates. That alone is not enough reason.
The other questions you have to answer yourselves; no one here can do that for you.
Personally, I have always moved for work, but without children, it’s easier to travel light.
Next question: What can cousins offer as playmates and peer group members that friends who aren’t related cannot? I would argue nothing. The idea that they inevitably grow up together harmoniously is a romantic notion that doesn’t have to reflect reality.
Are you you (not just you alone) really the family type who constantly visits each other, gets along well, and so on? Or are you open, able to quickly build relationships with non-relatives, and enjoy meeting new people?
You need to answer these kinds of questions before deciding whether to prioritize living close to family or to a job.
The fact that these questions seem to come up “all of a sudden” because a brother is moving suggests to me that the land purchase wasn’t actually a carefully considered decision to secure the dream property. If you were mentally certain about that, there wouldn’t be any second thoughts, sorry to say.
I can’t answer these questions for you. I can only advise against seeing cousins as more suitable playmates. That alone is not enough reason.
The other questions you have to answer yourselves; no one here can do that for you.
Personally, I have always moved for work, but without children, it’s easier to travel light.
We also moved to larger cities back then for university and our first jobs.
I really love the city — all the opportunities we had there as a young couple.
But when it came to starting a family, we decided to move back toward our “old home.”
We have great friends in the city, but family is something different; the bond there is on another level. Even after 10 years, we quickly reconnected in our old hometown, although we stayed in touch with good friends there while we were away.
I think it’s wonderful that our children have frequent contact with their grandparents and our siblings because of the close distance. We also have cousins of similar ages, and that works really well. We don’t all live in the same town, but within about a half hour’s drive. In addition, family support is invaluable for a young family.
We are now actually building right next to my in-laws. This certainly has pros and cons, but here we truly feel at home.
I really love the city — all the opportunities we had there as a young couple.
But when it came to starting a family, we decided to move back toward our “old home.”
We have great friends in the city, but family is something different; the bond there is on another level. Even after 10 years, we quickly reconnected in our old hometown, although we stayed in touch with good friends there while we were away.
I think it’s wonderful that our children have frequent contact with their grandparents and our siblings because of the close distance. We also have cousins of similar ages, and that works really well. We don’t all live in the same town, but within about a half hour’s drive. In addition, family support is invaluable for a young family.
We are now actually building right next to my in-laws. This certainly has pros and cons, but here we truly feel at home.
Oh man... you’re supposed to think about these things beforehand!?
What does your husband say about this? If my wife told me something like that after buying the land, signing the construction contract, and arranging financing, I would start having serious doubts myself, since you’re going to end up losing money on the whole thing.
Back to your question: I brought my wife and child from the Ruhr area to Franconia because I was staying at a hotel Monday to Friday for work commitments. So, we rented an apartment here. After that, I looked for something else outside of the onsite consulting and started searching for land. Since the options were limited (two residential developments with different conditions), I chose the development with better infrastructure and had to convince my wife.
In short: We moved away from our families to live together as a family. My wife found a new job after maternity leave. I changed jobs. Now construction is happening here where our “new roots” are, because we simply feel comfortable here. My wife no longer wants to go back. The consequence is, of course, that we have no support and won’t be getting any with the children, the move, or the construction work.
The rest manage to deal with it. They complain occasionally that it’s far away, but when we were still nearby, we didn’t get many visits either :p
What does your husband say about this? If my wife told me something like that after buying the land, signing the construction contract, and arranging financing, I would start having serious doubts myself, since you’re going to end up losing money on the whole thing.
Back to your question: I brought my wife and child from the Ruhr area to Franconia because I was staying at a hotel Monday to Friday for work commitments. So, we rented an apartment here. After that, I looked for something else outside of the onsite consulting and started searching for land. Since the options were limited (two residential developments with different conditions), I chose the development with better infrastructure and had to convince my wife.
In short: We moved away from our families to live together as a family. My wife found a new job after maternity leave. I changed jobs. Now construction is happening here where our “new roots” are, because we simply feel comfortable here. My wife no longer wants to go back. The consequence is, of course, that we have no support and won’t be getting any with the children, the move, or the construction work.
The rest manage to deal with it. They complain occasionally that it’s far away, but when we were still nearby, we didn’t get many visits either :p
Oh, when visiting grandma requires a car trip, that has its own appeal. You don’t have to have the whole family constantly around you.
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Let me put it this way: Even if you live relatively close (compared to your situations), you don’t automatically get the support you hope for. It’s not out of ill will, but we actually raise our three children mostly on our own. Both sets of grandparents live about 15 minutes away by car, but they are all still working. So they can only step in at very short notice in exceptional situations.
We live in a newly developed neighborhood (since one year), where 8 families have a total of 13 children between 1 and 14 years old, and about 30% of the families regularly help each other with everyday tasks. I didn’t expect it to be like that, but I’m very glad it is... So far, it works quite well.
We live in a newly developed neighborhood (since one year), where 8 families have a total of 13 children between 1 and 14 years old, and about 30% of the families regularly help each other with everyday tasks. I didn’t expect it to be like that, but I’m very glad it is... So far, it works quite well.
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