Hello dear forum members,
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
I already posted a thread in 2017, and we are still deciding what to do.
Back then, we were considering building on my parents-in-law’s property. The existing barn would be demolished and replaced with a new building.
I have already checked with the local building authority, and both the demolition and the new construction would be approved with certain conditions (setbacks from the parents’ existing house and the neighboring building).
A plot subdivision (parcel division) would also need to be carried out.
My father-in-law would cover the demolition costs (I had a preliminary discussion with a prefabricated house company that dealt with a similar case, and the demolition there cost around 30,000 euros, including connections).
Currently, there are three other interesting plots available, each about 750 m² (8,070 ft²), which would have to be developed within three years. These plots are serviced and cost approximately 39,000 to 40,000 euros each.
I feel very conflicted because I think there would never be full privacy there.
Additionally, my parents are against us building there, as they say that in the event of a breakup (whether we marry beforehand or not), I would be left responsible. Then my partner would have to pay the mortgage alone and buy me out. There is not much equity from either side (about 25,000 to 30,000 euros each).
What would you advise me as a neutral party?
M
Matthew038 Jun 2020 09:55And is this hall located in the line of sight? In other words, does it separate the two houses?
L
lisa-kessler8 Jun 2020 10:05This is difficult to describe.
The courtyard would definitely be shared by both houses.
The parents’ house would be on the right, ours next to it on the left, with the garden and the utility sheds behind both houses.
The courtyard would definitely be shared by both houses.
The parents’ house would be on the right, ours next to it on the left, with the garden and the utility sheds behind both houses.
So, practically no separation. The courtyard is already shared.
I know some cases where it works really well (or so they claim).
I know some cases where it doesn’t work at all.
I know some where the relationship with the parents/in-laws improved once they no longer lived "on top of each other".
I know some who got along great until two major changes occurred: the parents’/in-laws’ retirement and the arrival of children.
No one can judge this for you. But since you already have strong doubts and reservations, I definitely wouldn’t do it. If it doesn’t work out or leads to conflicts and tensions, you’ll end up feeling even more like... I wish I hadn’t.
I know some cases where it works really well (or so they claim).
I know some cases where it doesn’t work at all.
I know some where the relationship with the parents/in-laws improved once they no longer lived "on top of each other".
I know some who got along great until two major changes occurred: the parents’/in-laws’ retirement and the arrival of children.
No one can judge this for you. But since you already have strong doubts and reservations, I definitely wouldn’t do it. If it doesn’t work out or leads to conflicts and tensions, you’ll end up feeling even more like... I wish I hadn’t.
L
lisa-kessler8 Jun 2020 10:18Thanks for the opinions. I also think we will go for a neutral plot of land. We have an appointment with a prefab home manufacturer in two weeks to get some advice. There are still a handful of plots available at the moment. They have been available for quite a while, so I think waiting one or two months won’t make much difference.
We built on my parents’ land. We had no other options because building plots here are a) very scarce and b) hardly affordable.
The land was divided, and our portion was split between my husband and me in proportion to our contributions to the house. I own more since I invested quite a bit of equity, my husband invested nothing, and the remaining amount was financed equally by both of us.
Currently, my mother, who lives next door, still has a right of way across our property and is basically the main user of our carport. Her garage used to be there but was demolished for the construction, so she now parks in the carport and we make do with the less “attractive” parking spots around it. That works fine for us. Access to my mother’s house is through our carport. This right of way expires upon my mother’s death. That means if we ever rent or sell my parents’ house, the right of way no longer applies. In case of renting, we’ll have to figure out a solution for how tenants access the front door or accept that they pass through our carport. We’ll think about that when the time comes.
Additionally, there is a drainage easement because my parents’ property’s sewer line runs under our land. This right is tied to the existing house, so if a new owner demolishes it, they must install a new sewer line and can no longer use the one running through our land. As long as the house stands, the sewer and the associated right remain in place.
My mother had quite an overbearing mother-in-law herself and therefore deliberately keeps a low profile. So, it’s more like we say: okay, now we have to check in with them!
My parents-in-law, who live about 10km (6 miles) away, are more attached—but I get along with them well, so that’s not a problem either.
What I want to say is: this kind of arrangement can work well, but everything regarding the land should definitely be documented in a notarized agreement. Rights of way and drainage rights don’t have to be permanent; they can be tied to lifetimes or to specific buildings.
It really depends on how well you get along and interact. For us, it works well. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If my mother were constantly showing up unannounced, I’d lose it!
If I’ve understood correctly, the parent-in-law would pay for the demolition, right? In that case, it’s definitely something to consider—€30,000 (about $32,000) during construction is noticeable.
Another crucial factor for me would be the plots themselves: their size, location, and condition. A small plot in a new development or a larger plot in an established neighborhood? Personally, I’d prefer the latter.
There are simply many factors, so no one here can give you solid advice—only food for thought.
The decision is always very individual.
The land was divided, and our portion was split between my husband and me in proportion to our contributions to the house. I own more since I invested quite a bit of equity, my husband invested nothing, and the remaining amount was financed equally by both of us.
Currently, my mother, who lives next door, still has a right of way across our property and is basically the main user of our carport. Her garage used to be there but was demolished for the construction, so she now parks in the carport and we make do with the less “attractive” parking spots around it. That works fine for us. Access to my mother’s house is through our carport. This right of way expires upon my mother’s death. That means if we ever rent or sell my parents’ house, the right of way no longer applies. In case of renting, we’ll have to figure out a solution for how tenants access the front door or accept that they pass through our carport. We’ll think about that when the time comes.
Additionally, there is a drainage easement because my parents’ property’s sewer line runs under our land. This right is tied to the existing house, so if a new owner demolishes it, they must install a new sewer line and can no longer use the one running through our land. As long as the house stands, the sewer and the associated right remain in place.
My mother had quite an overbearing mother-in-law herself and therefore deliberately keeps a low profile. So, it’s more like we say: okay, now we have to check in with them!
My parents-in-law, who live about 10km (6 miles) away, are more attached—but I get along with them well, so that’s not a problem either.
What I want to say is: this kind of arrangement can work well, but everything regarding the land should definitely be documented in a notarized agreement. Rights of way and drainage rights don’t have to be permanent; they can be tied to lifetimes or to specific buildings.
It really depends on how well you get along and interact. For us, it works well. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If my mother were constantly showing up unannounced, I’d lose it!
If I’ve understood correctly, the parent-in-law would pay for the demolition, right? In that case, it’s definitely something to consider—€30,000 (about $32,000) during construction is noticeable.
Another crucial factor for me would be the plots themselves: their size, location, and condition. A small plot in a new development or a larger plot in an established neighborhood? Personally, I’d prefer the latter.
There are simply many factors, so no one here can give you solid advice—only food for thought.
The decision is always very individual.
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