Hello dear members,
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
I discovered your lovely forum thanks to Google. Unfortunately, as is often the case, a problem has brought me here.
We are building an extension onto an existing semi-detached house in Baden-Württemberg.
We are building on a slab foundation. The friendly neighbor built his half with a basement.
We live 70 kilometers (about 43 miles) away from the construction site.
Therefore, with both of us working and having two children, we cannot be at the site all the time.
Yesterday morning, the workers began setting the formwork for the slab foundation.
When I arrived at the site yesterday, my friendly neighbor was already there waiting for me.
He yelled at me quite loudly and was extremely angry.
He said that the slab foundation towards his side was insulated only with Styrodur (extruded polystyrene).
One of the workers tried to explain that in addition to the Styrodur, a 4 cm (1.6 inch) soundproofing wall would be installed along the house.
Still, he did not calm down.
He just kept yelling. He said he would take pictures and that he would refuse to pay.
We have no intention of demanding any money from him.
I was really shocked!!!
Actually, he should be worried, since he built 3 cm (1.2 inches) of his house’s total length over our property boundary.
What is the legal situation here?
I told my husband about it.
He wanted to see a lawyer right away.
For me, maintaining peace with the neighbor is more important.
Please excuse my spelling mistakes and my lack of knowledge. I have two children and need to keep them happy at the same time.
Thank you,
Sandra
C
chand198619 Apr 2020 20:32tumaa schrieb:
But older people want respect—why can’t children expect that too?! Who here has ever said that children cannot or should not expect respect? Setting boundaries for inappropriate behavior is not disrespect.
And the fact that your former neighbors "escaped" when someone with children moved in is not disrespect; it is first a consistent life choice. If they had immediately labeled your children’s unproven shortcomings to you, that would be disrespectful.
tumaa schrieb:
Yes, I stand by it—I can’t tolerate those older people who immediately say, “Oh God, the family has children, I can’t stand THESE brats, I’m selling my house.” [emphasis mine]
THESE brats? Specifically? I have heard a lot, but never that.
tumaa schrieb:
Hello, give these children a chance—they might actually be quite nice?! A chance for what? To show those who generally don’t like children that, ironically, they might be the only ones those children like?
That is not a reasonable expectation, and rejecting such a demand is not disrespectful.
tumaa schrieb:
But when a dog gets too close to someone, sniffs them, and barks continuously, people say, “Oh, he’s very friendly, he’s just curious.”
Suddenly, that’s considered normal. NO. That is not normal; it is inappropriate. Antisocial. And just as dog owners who fail to perceive the effect their animal has on others behave antisocially, so too do parents who fail to perceive the impact their children have on others.
PROVIDED that the children act outside of this vague framework I mentioned in my earlier post.
chand1986 schrieb:
Who here ever said that children should not or cannot expect respect? Setting boundaries in response to inappropriate behavior is not disrespectful.
And the fact that your former neighbors "left" because someone with children moved in is not disrespectful either, but rather a consistent life decision at first. If they had painted your still unproven shortcomings as parents on a daily basis, that would have been disrespectful. They were not my neighbors, but my brother’s. All contact was avoided repeatedly—do you call that a "consistent life decision"? (sorry, I have to laugh). If I experienced something like that as a child, I would be sad about it; I would feel out of place because children also have a sense of honor and pride.
And yes, if parents greet those neighbors and they remain silent, that is disrespectful!
If children greet those neighbors and they remain silent, that is disrespectful!
What comes next: just an angry/annoyed look from the neighbor.
When people say: "Guys, sorry, I really want peace and quiet, so I am going to sell my house and move somewhere else, hoping I will really have peace there,"
everyone can do as they please, but when a family makes an effort, that means something to me in terms of respect, to explain my situation to them. After all, they are neighbors, and one should see that the other side has at least tried.
chand1986 schrieb:
THESE brats? Specifically? I’ve heard a lot, but never that. If you’ve never heard that before, then I am the inventor of the word.
Zauberwesen19 Apr 2020 22:00I’m just wondering what is dragging on more and more endlessly – the Tumaa discussion against the rest of the world or today’s Tatort.
tumaa schrieb:
I can't stand either of these:
People who are against children (this is not about wanting peace and quiet here!)
&
Parents who have children but cannot or do not raise them properly!!I think you’re taking some things too personally here...
tumaa schrieb:
This whole discussion, I can’t expect everyone to like my children, but older people want respect, so why can’t children expect the same?!
Children can be annoying, I even agree that sometimes older people should move away, even if it’s unfortunate.
But I stick to my point, I can’t stand those older people who immediately say: "Oh God, the family has children, I can’t stand those brats, I’m selling my house" (It depends on the situation, there are people who simply can’t tolerate children, just as there are people who don’t like foreigners, etc.)
Come on, give these children a chance, maybe they’re actually very sweet?!
My grandmother was 90 and always happy to see children; she always had some sweets ready.
As a child, my neighbor was like that too, which was really lovely... "the grandma next door."
Two years ago, I was on a tram with a woman, her child, and a friend. She was breastfeeding her baby and the looks from people...
Then I just had to say: "You don’t have to stare!"
I’m male and straight, but you need to have decency; breastfeeding in public is normal to me.
What’s not normal is couples making out in public, etc. I, as an adult, can handle that, but children cannot.
But if a dog comes too close to someone, sniffs them, and barks continuously, people say: "Oh, he’s very sweet, just curious."
Suddenly, that’s acceptable.
Live and let live, with respect and tolerance!!
PEACE!!tumaa schrieb:
They weren’t my neighbors, but my brother’s. All contact was avoided repeatedly, and you call that a "consistent life choice"? (Sorry, I have to laugh.) If I experienced something like that as a child, I would be sad about it, I would feel out of place, because children also have a sense of honor and pride.
And yes, if parents greet these neighbors and they remain silent = that’s disrespectful!
If children greet these neighbors and they remain silent = that’s disrespectful!
What happens? Just an angry or annoyed look from the neighbor.
When people say: "Sorry everyone, I just want peace and quiet, so I’m selling my house and moving somewhere else, hoping to finally get that peace."
Everyone can do what they want, but if a family makes an effort, then to me it’s about respect to explain my situation to them, after all, you are neighbors and you have to see that the other side at least tried.
If you’ve never heard this before, then I’m the inventor of the word.... and you’ve sniffed a bit too much of something.
And pretty much earlier it comes out: if you don’t have children, you must hate them.
No... Yvonne, don’t argue here with the people affected—they lack perspective and take everything personally.
ypg schrieb:
I think you’re taking some things too personally here...
... and maybe sniffed a little too much of something.
And quite a bit earlier it comes out: if you’re childless, you’re automatically a child hater.
No... Yvonne, don’t argue here with those affected – they lack perspective and take everything personally Personally? Well, I have and will stick to my opinion. There are two kinds of childless people: those who want children but can’t have them, and those who simply don’t want children. Often, this latter group talks just like these neighbors. The emphasis is on “often,” not a generalization, but I’ve noticed it.
I have met my brother’s neighbors personally (spoken with them), you don’t need to snoop around to quickly judge people.
I say here “seeing is believing.”
H
HilfeHilfe20 Apr 2020 06:48tumaa schrieb:
I can't expect everyone to like my children, but older people want respect—why can't children expect the same?
Kids can be annoying, and I even agree that sometimes older people need to move away, even though it's unfortunate.
Still, I stick to my point: I don’t like those older people who immediately say, “Oh God, the family has kids, I can’t stand those brats, I’m selling my house.” (It depends on the situation, of course; some people just don’t like children the same way others don’t like foreigners, etc.)
Come on, give those kids a chance. Maybe they are quite nice?!
My grandmother was 90 and was always happy to see children; there was always something sweet to offer.
When I was a child, my neighbor was the same, which was lovely... “the grandma next door.”
Two years ago I was on a tram with a woman, her child, and a friend. She was breastfeeding her baby, and the looks from the other passengers...
Then I had to say: “You don’t have to stare!”
I am male and heterosexual, but decency matters. Breastfeeding in public is normal to me.
What’s not normal is couples making out in public. As an adult, I can handle that, but children can’t.
But if a dog gets too close to someone, sniffs them, and constantly barks, people say: “Oh, he’s so sweet, just curious.”
Suddenly, that’s considered normal.
Live and let live, with respect and tolerance!
PEACE!! Great comment.
Adding to that:
Childless dog owners and their “darlings” drive me crazy. Why aren’t these dogs trained well enough to be gentle, not bark constantly, and not jump on joggers?
Are the owners antisocial because they don’t train their dogs, or should the dogs learn some good behavior?