Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
S
sichtbeton829 May 2019 07:25I’m really glad that we have two, and soon three, children. When you have a family, you don’t think about money or accounts as much anymore.
Ultimately, what matters more in my relationship are shared values. What’s more important is a mostly aligned approach to parenting, common interests, a mutual circle of friends, family unity, shared leisure time, and so on. Money and accounts are more secondary. And honestly, we’re not big earners—rather quite frugal in many areas.
But without diving again into “which account setup is best for a close relationship,” here’s a small advantage of having separate accounts. I think separate accounts also offer a bit of freedom, not having to disclose absolutely everything. Even though I’m the main earner in the family, my wife doesn’t seem to suffer much from having separate accounts.
P.S.: She also drives the much more prestigious car.
Ultimately, what matters more in my relationship are shared values. What’s more important is a mostly aligned approach to parenting, common interests, a mutual circle of friends, family unity, shared leisure time, and so on. Money and accounts are more secondary. And honestly, we’re not big earners—rather quite frugal in many areas.
But without diving again into “which account setup is best for a close relationship,” here’s a small advantage of having separate accounts. I think separate accounts also offer a bit of freedom, not having to disclose absolutely everything. Even though I’m the main earner in the family, my wife doesn’t seem to suffer much from having separate accounts.
P.S.: She also drives the much more prestigious car.
H
hampshire9 May 2019 08:16sichtbeton82 schrieb:
I’m really glad that we have two, soon to be three, children. It makes you think less about money and/or accounts. Congratulations on your growing family!When money is tight, it’s hard to avoid thinking about it. That can be a stressful situation.
Those who have enough money and still think a lot about it either enjoy doing so or are making things more complicated than necessary.
@sichtbeton82
Congratulations on number 3.
Well, sometimes you should think about the cars. Dad drives the A6 "minivan" to work, and Mom squeezes the kids into her old Corsa.
@ separate accounts or not
There is the time of partnership, during which there is an equal relationship and a sense of community.
There may also be a separation, for which there are rules such as a prenuptial agreement.
Congratulations on number 3.
Well, sometimes you should think about the cars. Dad drives the A6 "minivan" to work, and Mom squeezes the kids into her old Corsa.
@ separate accounts or not
There is the time of partnership, during which there is an equal relationship and a sense of community.
There may also be a separation, for which there are rules such as a prenuptial agreement.
With a former acquaintance, it was like this: He earned very well, she, on the other hand, did not. They planned a large trip to the USA. She did not have enough money. He lent it to her—with a contract. Now, about 10 years after the trip and 9 years after the relationship ended, she is apparently still repaying the trip.
B
Buchweizen9 May 2019 12:20Then she doesn’t deserve any different.