Last night we visited friends, and of course, during the evening conversations over red wine, the topic eventually turned to our upcoming house construction (specifically the building of our prefabricated house in September). Our friends built their house back in 2015/2016 and already warned us about how stressful the construction phase can be for a relationship or marriage. They shared numerous examples from their new housing development, where tensions between partners remained quite high for a long time, dampening the enjoyment of the new home. For instance, one couple still hasn’t agreed on what kind of paving to have in front of their house, so nothing has been done yet, and the area is still just covered in gravel. For others, the design of the terrace seems to be dispute number one... I’d rather not know what else causes arguments inside the house.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
Our prefabricated house sales consultant mentioned that even during the two-day selection appointment, there have been loud arguments, and he had to act as an unintentional mediator.
My wife tends to stay in the background and leaves many planning decisions up to me. However, when it comes to shapes, color schemes, and so on, she can be very assertive. We agree on the general aspects, but of course, we haven’t discussed all the finer details inside and outside yet.
So my question is: how have you handled disagreements?
Does one of you give in?
Do you negotiate a compromise?
Do you balance things out elsewhere?
Do you leave it to chance?
I would be pleased to read a bit about this delicate topic, which is rarely discussed openly... after all, we’re among friends here.
H
HilfeHilfe8 May 2019 11:11Nordlys schrieb:
Oh, what a twisted way of thinking:
The usual case, whether with one or two accounts, is that both plan their vacation days and report them to the employer, possibly considering the children's school holidays. Then there will be a main vacation period taken together, and the couple or family will discuss what they want as a group. Us. Not me. And the vacation is then paid from the joint account or from the account with more available funds. But joint is simpler. One less coordination step. So does that mean each partner has to put in the same amount into joint accounts? One will definitely end up wealthier in the end.
C
chand19868 May 2019 11:20Snowy36 schrieb:
If one person earns a lot more because they decided to sell their soul to the company and work 50+ hours a week... and the other prefers a quieter life, enjoys their time, and works less...
How do you fairly manage that?
The wealthy one wants to really splurge with a two-week all-inclusive trip to the Maldives, while the other doesn’t care that much but still wants to go on vacation together — does the rich one then pay for the trip? Or does the less wealthy person have to save up for it?You do realize that such a dynamic between partners is unlikely to last long-term, right? A career-driven person with a need for recognition and a self-confident minimalist who is content with less — that combination doesn’t work. It has nothing to do with bank accounts.
It happens just as Karsten described. The number of accounts doesn’t matter. You talk and come to an agreement. And if one is the “Maldives type” and the other prefers the Bavarian Forest, then you either travel separately or break up entirely — if traveling is an important life priority, sharing that preference is fundamental for a relationship. Someone who insists on exotic vacations every year (and then spends half their time in the hotel, which is hard to believe) would be dismissed by me anyway. Some discussions simply don’t happen.
We have separate accounts because we don’t need a joint one.
Household money (groceries, etc.) is given by me in cash each month into the cash box. She uses this to pay for the shopping she does. Purchases that I make are paid from my account (all household-related expenses).
For vacations, we sit down together, discuss, and set a budget.
I pay the larger part, and she contributes a smaller amount. This is not calculated as a percentage of income or anything like that with a calculator, but rather based on what she can or wants to contribute at the time.
I am in a partnership, so my partner should also benefit from my financial means. It would be quite unreasonable to give up things (like vacations) just because the financially weaker partner couldn’t afford them in that way.
Since we don’t have children and share the household tasks, arguments like “freeing up time” don’t apply to us. Instead, it’s simply a conscious decision to use the resources available together regardless of how the accounts are divided.
We are certainly an unusual case, including when it comes to income.
Household money (groceries, etc.) is given by me in cash each month into the cash box. She uses this to pay for the shopping she does. Purchases that I make are paid from my account (all household-related expenses).
For vacations, we sit down together, discuss, and set a budget.
I pay the larger part, and she contributes a smaller amount. This is not calculated as a percentage of income or anything like that with a calculator, but rather based on what she can or wants to contribute at the time.
I am in a partnership, so my partner should also benefit from my financial means. It would be quite unreasonable to give up things (like vacations) just because the financially weaker partner couldn’t afford them in that way.
Since we don’t have children and share the household tasks, arguments like “freeing up time” don’t apply to us. Instead, it’s simply a conscious decision to use the resources available together regardless of how the accounts are divided.
We are certainly an unusual case, including when it comes to income.
C
chand19868 May 2019 12:03We don’t have children and don’t keep a clear back.
Both partners have similar incomes.
A joint account for all fixed expenses is equally funded by standing orders from both sides.
Joint household money is pooled 50/50 every month.
And that’s it. When one of us wants to order something, we usually say, “I feel like having this or that today, it’s on me.” The same goes for dining out. Our attitudes toward vacations are similar: somewhat overrated.
The ordering and returning sprees that sometimes happen here leave me relaxed.
Any problems? No.
Both partners have similar incomes.
A joint account for all fixed expenses is equally funded by standing orders from both sides.
Joint household money is pooled 50/50 every month.
And that’s it. When one of us wants to order something, we usually say, “I feel like having this or that today, it’s on me.” The same goes for dining out. Our attitudes toward vacations are similar: somewhat overrated.
The ordering and returning sprees that sometimes happen here leave me relaxed.
Any problems? No.
Similar topics