Hello,
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
I’m not sure if this is the right section for this thread, but I couldn’t find a more suitable one.
I often read here about couples planning and building their house before having children. As a result, the children’s rooms are planned more or less optimistically.
That was also the case for us when we bought our house. At the time, we thought it would be quick and easy to fill the three children’s rooms. A few years later, we have to accept that we will probably never have biological children. Since adoption was an option for us from the start, we are still hopeful that we will have children eventually. The process has already cost us a lot, and there will be more costs to come; in the end, we will probably have spent a mid five-figure amount.
Because of these difficult experiences, I would like to advise every original poster who is building before having children that having children can take longer and be more expensive than planned. But of course, I don’t want to always be the downer. Unfulfilled desire to have children affects about one in ten couples, depending on how you look at it.
What do you think? Am I being too negative? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Wow, I didn’t expect to get so much feedback here! I hadn’t planned a specific direction for the thread, so I find all the topics very interesting.
I especially liked the point that there’s a difference between simply having an extra room (it’s clear you can always find a use for it) and already mentally planning it as a child’s room. At first, we were so optimistic that we even considered furnishing the room. Fortunately, we didn’t do that, but now we have a completely empty room in the house.
Many of you seem quite relaxed about whether or how many children you end up having. I’m not that relaxed because I can’t imagine a life without children. So I wonder if all of you would still feel that relaxed if things had turned out differently...
Regarding age: it really isn’t easy these days. I was lucky to have a stable job with a good salary early on, so I was able to get started early. I have friends who are either around 30 without a partner yet or still busy with university or establishing themselves in their careers. Since fertility declines, I hope everything works out for them because I know how long the process can take...
I especially liked the point that there’s a difference between simply having an extra room (it’s clear you can always find a use for it) and already mentally planning it as a child’s room. At first, we were so optimistic that we even considered furnishing the room. Fortunately, we didn’t do that, but now we have a completely empty room in the house.
Many of you seem quite relaxed about whether or how many children you end up having. I’m not that relaxed because I can’t imagine a life without children. So I wonder if all of you would still feel that relaxed if things had turned out differently...
Regarding age: it really isn’t easy these days. I was lucky to have a stable job with a good salary early on, so I was able to get started early. I have friends who are either around 30 without a partner yet or still busy with university or establishing themselves in their careers. Since fertility declines, I hope everything works out for them because I know how long the process can take...
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wurmwichtel15 Mar 2019 20:09Jean-Marc schrieb:
...who already had planning certainty at 25... That is exactly the mistake in the assumption!
Where do you get the certainty that a woman in the relationship can become pregnant immediately after stopping the pill?
Where do you get the certainty that the child will be born healthy?
Where do you get the certainty that the child will develop according to the usual average?
Such questions can be endlessly expanded.
In short: There are too many unknowns in the equation, making any "planning" completely absurd!
You have no choice but to let things unfold as they will!
We decided to build a house even though we assumed that having children might not work out. It turned out differently, and because we had not planned anything, it was much easier to adapt to the changed situation, especially since our lives were turned upside down by the birth.
Those who want or have to plan their lives tend to see a child that arrives unplanned as something foreign because their own self-realization has not yet made room for it and they are not ready to leave their own personality at the delivery room door.
Niloa schrieb:
Many of you seem quite relaxed about whether or how many children you will have in the end. I’m not as relaxed because I can’t imagine a life without children. That’s why I wonder if all of you would still be so calm if things had turned out differently...
Regarding age: nowadays, it’s really not easy. I was lucky to have a permanent job with a good salary early on and could start accordingly early. I have friends who are around 30 and either don’t have a partner yet or are still studying or trying to establish themselves at work. Since fertility declines over time, I hope everything works out for them because I know how long this process can take...Honestly? I have a plan B just in case. In the Netherlands, single women can also receive a sperm donation. If in 3-4 years it becomes clear that no partner is in sight, that would actually be an alternative for me personally.
chand1986 schrieb:
Large houses with many rooms for each child and every hobby are projects for adults. In my opinion, a real adult project is rather building an average house as an average earner ("own home" instead of "dream house," keyword "style"). Those who plan their house not according to their own financial situation but based on the "lifestyle" of their daily soap role models are, in my view, not yet adults.
https://www.instagram.com/11antgmxde/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/bauen-jetzt/
Bookstar schrieb:
The world population is already too large anyway, so childless couples wouldn’t be such a bad thing. But most people can’t handle life without children because otherwise their life would seem meaningless. It’s a shame.Well... when you have people like my mother who say things like “I do everything just for you” or “I live only for you,” that might be true, and of course that’s not good, especially not for the children.
Our child is definitely not just a hobby of mine. Without having a child, we probably wouldn’t have built this house but a smaller one just for the two of us, which would have been fine too. We could have spent money on other things, but we simply wanted a child.
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