Hello dear forum community,
We want to build a house in the northern part of Berlin or Brandenburg and have found a really beautiful plot of land. It is 2000 m2 (approximately 21500 sq ft) with forest and garden, of which 1000 m2 (approximately 10750 sq ft) is designated as building land. However, land is so expensive there that we are considering developing this property together with my parents.
We get along well with my parents, and my wife has no objections either. There would be financial advantages in sharing costs for heating, garden maintenance, carport, purchase price, and much more. Additionally, there are softer benefits related to babysitting, organizing daily life, and so on.
My parents live in a region in Saxony-Anhalt that is slowly depopulating, and they are probably already thinking about the support they might need in 20 years when they are in their late 70s.
However, being close to my parents could also be challenging. Is there anyone here who has done something similar?
What are your experiences? Can something like this work well?
We want to build a house in the northern part of Berlin or Brandenburg and have found a really beautiful plot of land. It is 2000 m2 (approximately 21500 sq ft) with forest and garden, of which 1000 m2 (approximately 10750 sq ft) is designated as building land. However, land is so expensive there that we are considering developing this property together with my parents.
We get along well with my parents, and my wife has no objections either. There would be financial advantages in sharing costs for heating, garden maintenance, carport, purchase price, and much more. Additionally, there are softer benefits related to babysitting, organizing daily life, and so on.
My parents live in a region in Saxony-Anhalt that is slowly depopulating, and they are probably already thinking about the support they might need in 20 years when they are in their late 70s.
However, being close to my parents could also be challenging. Is there anyone here who has done something similar?
What are your experiences? Can something like this work well?
Well, what do you want to hear? Yes, it’s definitely possible. But there are many cases where serious problems arise over time.
It’s not just about who takes care of what or who pays for what (here, I’m in favor of as clear a separation of households as possible). Usually, it’s more about emotions and expectations that cause issues. Things like whether you have lunch together every Sunday or how to raise the (grand)children.
In my opinion, the biggest challenge is the topic of caregiving. Ideally, it never becomes an issue, but when it does, there is a significant difference between occasionally shopping for the elderly and having to change their diapers five times a day.
These kinds of matters should basically be discussed before building together.
It’s not just about who takes care of what or who pays for what (here, I’m in favor of as clear a separation of households as possible). Usually, it’s more about emotions and expectations that cause issues. Things like whether you have lunch together every Sunday or how to raise the (grand)children.
In my opinion, the biggest challenge is the topic of caregiving. Ideally, it never becomes an issue, but when it does, there is a significant difference between occasionally shopping for the elderly and having to change their diapers five times a day.
These kinds of matters should basically be discussed before building together.
apokolok schrieb:
That’s a very personal question, and everyone will have a different answer for you.
For me personally, it’s an absolute no-go.
However, many others here regularly share how great and rewarding it is to have their parents living very close by.
From what I understand in your case, you’re actually looking for a place on your own, but now the land is too expensive, and you’re considering involving your parents because of that. In my opinion, that’s not the happiest approach.The original plan was actually for my parents to move nearby eventually, about a 10-minute drive away. But first, I need to form my own opinion on how I feel about this. I’m still looking forward to your responses.
My condominium, where we currently live, is located in my parents’ house.
The units are completely separate, with nothing shared. Separate garage, separate entrance, and separate technical installations as well. We have plenty of space. No problems at all.
Still—and despite the fact that we “actually” get along well—I would NEVER do something like this again!
Whatever thoughts you might have (I can’t comment on babysitting since we don’t have children), keep in mind that you are simply NEVER alone!
The closeness is driving me crazy by now!
But there are people who do like this arrangement. When I built the apartment (which was almost 19 years ago, with a 5-year break during which I didn’t live there), I was much more naive and saw things through a different lens.
Things change, and that can (maybe) get really annoying! Even if you don’t believe it at the time!
Just think it through carefully!
The units are completely separate, with nothing shared. Separate garage, separate entrance, and separate technical installations as well. We have plenty of space. No problems at all.
Still—and despite the fact that we “actually” get along well—I would NEVER do something like this again!
Whatever thoughts you might have (I can’t comment on babysitting since we don’t have children), keep in mind that you are simply NEVER alone!
The closeness is driving me crazy by now!
But there are people who do like this arrangement. When I built the apartment (which was almost 19 years ago, with a 5-year break during which I didn’t live there), I was much more naive and saw things through a different lens.
Things change, and that can (maybe) get really annoying! Even if you don’t believe it at the time!
Just think it through carefully!
Paliim schrieb:
Not necessarily. For example, my uncle heated his own house and my grandmother’s house with his wood stove. They were about 80m (260 feet) apart. Take a look at what the energy saving regulation means, then think about it some more.